Tim Laughlin (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
holyposition) wrote2024-06-13 06:55 pm
holyposition) wrote2024-06-13 06:55 pm
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WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK
USERNAME:
t.laughlin
text ❖ audio ❖ video
WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK
USERNAME:
t.laughlin
text ❖ audio ❖ video
I still think it's nice to cook for and with the people you care about. You won't convince me otherwise.
That's a nice thought, but I reject the idea that I've been hoarded. I'm choosing to spend time with you because I want you.
want TO
same thing, I guess.
That's a nice thought, but I reject the idea that I've been hoarded. I'm choosing to spend time with you because I want you.
want TO
same thing, I guess.
Acts of service for others. I do understand what you mean. What I do not is the part where I must perform the servants' work for them. It does not make sense when they are paid well in coin to serve the kitchens.
And if I hoarded you regardless? If that is how I express desire, would you refuse it?
And if I hoarded you regardless? If that is how I express desire, would you refuse it?
How do you know what the Balfours are paying?
I wouldn't. Anything you want or need from me that I can give, I want to. My time included.
I wouldn't. Anything you want or need from me that I can give, I want to. My time included.
You think so? It seems weird to me. You never see them not working, but they have to live here. So did they get here the same way we did? We didn't choose to come here.
As you wish, my prince. Start by helping me eat this cake. The kisses will be sweeter.
As you wish, my prince. Start by helping me eat this cake. The kisses will be sweeter.
Like as they were born into service, in that case.
[ it veers too close to slavery, said this way, but aemond does not spend any amount of time wondering if the servants are happy. he barely notices any of the smallfolk that come to court to beg for the crown's intercession as is. ]
What of Hawk? Will you invite him too?
[ it veers too close to slavery, said this way, but aemond does not spend any amount of time wondering if the servants are happy. he barely notices any of the smallfolk that come to court to beg for the crown's intercession as is. ]
What of Hawk? Will you invite him too?
Yeah, that's not normal, where I come from.
He lives here. So yes. You two are getting along still, right?
He lives here. So yes. You two are getting along still, right?
I mean people don't get born into servitude anymore.
Yeah? With what?
Yeah? With what?
In your world, no. In mine, to inherit a lord's oath or a knight's pledge cna be a great honour.
[ this he promised hawk to do. now is as good a time as can be. ]
With injury. I needed help with them the week previous. You must have noticed the bruising.
[ this he promised hawk to do. now is as good a time as can be. ]
With injury. I needed help with them the week previous. You must have noticed the bruising.
I was wondering when you were gonna tell me.
You called Hawk for that? What even happened?
You called Hawk for that? What even happened?
I didn't want you to worry then. I would not have been kind in receiving it.
[ concessions made: that he is cruel when he is hurt, and that he understands tim worries out of genuine kindness. he's trying his best to meet him in the middle. ]
I went to Daemon.
[ don't ask him to write it out. ]
[ concessions made: that he is cruel when he is hurt, and that he understands tim worries out of genuine kindness. he's trying his best to meet him in the middle. ]
I went to Daemon.
[ don't ask him to write it out. ]
And it was so bad that you had to call someone?
Aemond, this can't be worth it. He wants you dead and you're giving him an opening. It needs to stop.
Aemond, this can't be worth it. He wants you dead and you're giving him an opening. It needs to stop.
Daemon is a fierce fighter. I would rather he fought me to the best that he can than humiliate me by holding back.
He won't kill me here. Death doesn't stick, it would be a waste of effort on both our parts. And I
[ honesty. he promised honesty. ]
I asked him to make it hurt. If you should blame him, then I am equally at fault.
He won't kill me here. Death doesn't stick, it would be a waste of effort on both our parts. And I
[ honesty. he promised honesty. ]
I asked him to make it hurt. If you should blame him, then I am equally at fault.
Edited 2024-12-07 16:00 (UTC)
It doesn't matter if it sticks, it's still painful, it's still traumatizing. It still hurts everyone around you. After everything you've told me, you want me to believe he's above that?
Why? Why do you need to hurt yourself?
Why? Why do you need to hurt yourself?
How is this hurting anyone when I'm the one fielding his fists? His blade? How is this anyone's problem but mine?
[ this is why he hadn't asked tim when it happened. even now he bristles at the thought of being questioned about his relationship with daemon, for whatever definition of a relationship this is. a violent one. a murderous one. a deep and yearning one, for what they could have had but never will. no one else understands, not even within the family. ]
I'm not hurting myself the way you might think. I enjoy it. It feels good. The sharpness of the pleasure that comes from it - who else would I ask?
[ this is why he hadn't asked tim when it happened. even now he bristles at the thought of being questioned about his relationship with daemon, for whatever definition of a relationship this is. a violent one. a murderous one. a deep and yearning one, for what they could have had but never will. no one else understands, not even within the family. ]
I'm not hurting myself the way you might think. I enjoy it. It feels good. The sharpness of the pleasure that comes from it - who else would I ask?
It hurts me, Aemond! Because I care about you. It upsets me to see you hurt, and feel like there's nothing I can do to help you, don't you understand that?
A lot of people like to mix pain and pleasure. But there are safe ways to do that, and this isn't one of them.
A lot of people like to mix pain and pleasure. But there are safe ways to do that, and this isn't one of them.
Are you hearing yourself. Pain and pleasure, safely. Pain alone is not safe.
I asked for this hurt. It needs no helping, because I wanted it. This is no different from what Alicent has said and I will tell you the same thing: it changes nothing. You cannot help this. You shouldn't.
I asked for this hurt. It needs no helping, because I wanted it. This is no different from what Alicent has said and I will tell you the same thing: it changes nothing. You cannot help this. You shouldn't.
I know from experience, I'm not making things up.
It can be. With someone you trust, who cares enough about you to know when to stop. I've done it, Aemond, I understand the need to...punish yourself, or look for replacements for the love you should have gotten elsewhere.
[ Aemond seeking out scraps of his father, Tim projecting godliness onto others after a lifetime of prayers gone unanswered. Is it not the same, for how much reverence Aemond has for his family, for the crown? ]
I should, and I'll try. Maybe I'll fail. But you deserve better.
It can be. With someone you trust, who cares enough about you to know when to stop. I've done it, Aemond, I understand the need to...punish yourself, or look for replacements for the love you should have gotten elsewhere.
[ Aemond seeking out scraps of his father, Tim projecting godliness onto others after a lifetime of prayers gone unanswered. Is it not the same, for how much reverence Aemond has for his family, for the crown? ]
I should, and I'll try. Maybe I'll fail. But you deserve better.
I am not punishing myself. You forget who you speak to.
[ shades of his mother rising to the surface, alicent's peerless seething bleeding through him. he's not lying, but tim isn't wrong in his judgement either. he deserves punishment for what he has done, but the executioner has already decided his fate. helaena has seen it. he knows it waits for him. why would he punish himself any further, when death comes for him and soon? ]
Anything I can take with mine own hands is what I deserve, and I will continue to take as I see fit. Just as I've taken Vhagar. Just as I've taken you. Just as I've taken my place at the Small Council, leading my armies to victory as a dragon should. A dragon does not wait for what it is due.
Do not push this, Tim. I swore to Hawkins I would explain, but you are making it very hard to do so.
[ shades of his mother rising to the surface, alicent's peerless seething bleeding through him. he's not lying, but tim isn't wrong in his judgement either. he deserves punishment for what he has done, but the executioner has already decided his fate. helaena has seen it. he knows it waits for him. why would he punish himself any further, when death comes for him and soon? ]
Anything I can take with mine own hands is what I deserve, and I will continue to take as I see fit. Just as I've taken Vhagar. Just as I've taken you. Just as I've taken my place at the Small Council, leading my armies to victory as a dragon should. A dragon does not wait for what it is due.
Do not push this, Tim. I swore to Hawkins I would explain, but you are making it very hard to do so.
I know exactly who I'm talking to.
Look, I don't want to fight with you. I want you here, eating cake. But can you honestly say that my worry isn't justified?
Look, I don't want to fight with you. I want you here, eating cake. But can you honestly say that my worry isn't justified?
If Daemon kills me, you have my leave to do as you like and tell me I've been wrong. But until that happens, and it will not, I am asking you. Leave it be. I am in no hurry to die.
[ it is painful to admit it, that he might want a chance to survive his oncoming fight with daemon in future. who else would it be? no one else deserves to fight him more than aemond, and no one else deserves to meet vhagar in the field than daemon.
uncle and nephew, who are mirrors of each other. aemond will do everything he can to drag daemon with him into the stranger's embrace. ]
How can you still want me to come now?
[ it is painful to admit it, that he might want a chance to survive his oncoming fight with daemon in future. who else would it be? no one else deserves to fight him more than aemond, and no one else deserves to meet vhagar in the field than daemon.
uncle and nephew, who are mirrors of each other. aemond will do everything he can to drag daemon with him into the stranger's embrace. ]
How can you still want me to come now?
We're arguing because you think I care too much, and you think I don't care to see you?
Let me give you a hug and a piece of cake, then we can go to the wreck room.
Let me give you a hug and a piece of cake, then we can go to the wreck room.
Is it not the way of anger, to refuse companionship?
[ aemond was never disciplined by hand — no one would dare strike a dragon prince, save for his father and his mother, and otto only dares in utter privacy. no, aemond learns punishment through deprivation: the lack of touch, the lack of attention, the lack of any kind of recognition or affection or familial warmth.
he has suffered a great absence for as long as he can remember. ]
I'll stay for the cake. I'm not like to break something tonight.
[ aemond was never disciplined by hand — no one would dare strike a dragon prince, save for his father and his mother, and otto only dares in utter privacy. no, aemond learns punishment through deprivation: the lack of touch, the lack of attention, the lack of any kind of recognition or affection or familial warmth.
he has suffered a great absence for as long as he can remember. ]
I'll stay for the cake. I'm not like to break something tonight.
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