You didn't. Far from it, truthfully. I quite liked what we did.
[ liked it is being humble about it. aemond has marks on his back to remind himself of it, and he knows he's left his own mark on tim, high on his arm, perfect crescents of teeth near-breaking the skin.
it is not what troubles him, the intimacy of their joining. ]
There are acts that lovers perform on one another that... This is indelicate in the highest order, isn't it? I cannot kiss your soft parts. I cannot——venture where my hands might go, where my fingers might touch. It is not something I can give you. To kiss you on the mouth takes a great effort from me as it is. It should terrify you how much of it I have given you, because it comes from a place of——burning, Tim, I must first burn before I could ever dare it.
[ he bites at tim's fingers, now - lightly, as a dog might graze at the hand that feeds it, not knowing any other way to say thank you. ]
The whore. Sylvi. She was as old as my mother when Aegon took me to her the first time. And I could not perform, not at first, not until after she's applied her mouth upon me, and even that had taken time. It was——
I was terrified. I did not want to be in my body in that moment, but I succeeded in the end, and I finished as I should. Aegon was happy for me. I was made a man then.
It is not his fault, my weakness. Every time I feel someone's mouth on me I feel that same childish fear rise in my belly. It sours me throughout. I don't want that for you. From you. You don't have to soil your mouth with my leave, and I won't ask you to.
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timeasmymeasure
cw: mentions of csa, prostitution, downplaying trauma
Date: 2024-11-24 05:14 am (UTC)[ liked it is being humble about it. aemond has marks on his back to remind himself of it, and he knows he's left his own mark on tim, high on his arm, perfect crescents of teeth near-breaking the skin.
it is not what troubles him, the intimacy of their joining. ]
There are acts that lovers perform on one another that... This is indelicate in the highest order, isn't it? I cannot kiss your soft parts. I cannot——venture where my hands might go, where my fingers might touch. It is not something I can give you. To kiss you on the mouth takes a great effort from me as it is. It should terrify you how much of it I have given you, because it comes from a place of——burning, Tim, I must first burn before I could ever dare it.
[ he bites at tim's fingers, now - lightly, as a dog might graze at the hand that feeds it, not knowing any other way to say thank you. ]
The whore. Sylvi. She was as old as my mother when Aegon took me to her the first time. And I could not perform, not at first, not until after she's applied her mouth upon me, and even that had taken time. It was——
I was terrified. I did not want to be in my body in that moment, but I succeeded in the end, and I finished as I should. Aegon was happy for me. I was made a man then.
It is not his fault, my weakness. Every time I feel someone's mouth on me I feel that same childish fear rise in my belly. It sours me throughout. I don't want that for you. From you. You don't have to soil your mouth with my leave, and I won't ask you to.