when was the last time he'd ever felt safe? he can't remember. he can't recall a moment when he wasn't thinking about the iron throne, what it meant to himself and his brothers, what it would mean when his father finally died and his sister called upon the oaths of the great houses to honour her as their father's heir. every day is a march towards β what? the crown? the promise of survival, if they prevail in sending rhaenyra to either death or exile?
he's never felt safe without vhagar. and vhagar has not been close to him in many a fortnight now. he doesn't understand what tim is trying to offer him. ]
You could never harm me. You do not have the stomach for that sort of violence.
[ is it confusion, then? does he misunderstand what tim means? there are ways to hurt a person that goes beyond torture or disfigurement. mind games, like his uncle daemon likes to use on his enemies, like larys strong employs in the service of the crown. violations and brutality, the kind that burrows under the fingernails and sticks to the mind's eye.
but even with that knowledge at the forefront, aemond cannot imagine it of tim. he cannot see tim hurting him; there is no desire in him to overpower another, to violate another person's trust. ]
It was a stupid fear. Aegon did not force me. I went with him willingly, he was thinking of me. I wanted to go with him, he rarely asks me to be involved, it was to teach me as an older brother should. He couldn't have known I wouldn't like it. It is my weakness to deal with, that I cannot overcome something so simple as the touch of a whore's mouth.
If you would be patient with me, I could learn. I've never had pressing reason to learn before.
[do not see me as weak for this. do not make him beg. ]
cw: mentions of csa, derogatory language to sex workers, downplaying trauma
when was the last time he'd ever felt safe? he can't remember. he can't recall a moment when he wasn't thinking about the iron throne, what it meant to himself and his brothers, what it would mean when his father finally died and his sister called upon the oaths of the great houses to honour her as their father's heir. every day is a march towards β what? the crown? the promise of survival, if they prevail in sending rhaenyra to either death or exile?
he's never felt safe without vhagar. and vhagar has not been close to him in many a fortnight now. he doesn't understand what tim is trying to offer him. ]
You could never harm me. You do not have the stomach for that sort of violence.
[ is it confusion, then? does he misunderstand what tim means? there are ways to hurt a person that goes beyond torture or disfigurement. mind games, like his uncle daemon likes to use on his enemies, like larys strong employs in the service of the crown. violations and brutality, the kind that burrows under the fingernails and sticks to the mind's eye.
but even with that knowledge at the forefront, aemond cannot imagine it of tim. he cannot see tim hurting him; there is no desire in him to overpower another, to violate another person's trust. ]
It was a stupid fear. Aegon did not force me. I went with him willingly, he was thinking of me. I wanted to go with him, he rarely asks me to be involved, it was to teach me as an older brother should. He couldn't have known I wouldn't like it. It is my weakness to deal with, that I cannot overcome something so simple as the touch of a whore's mouth.
If you would be patient with me, I could learn. I've never had pressing reason to learn before.
[ do not see me as weak for this. do not make him beg. ]