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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[hymen]

It's not purgatory. You can't make excuses for the same behaviors that you know would happen back home, if people could get away with it. [ brows pinched, he looks away. ] That includes me. I'd have gone after Danny for stalking me if I wasn't being watched by the Secret Service every hour of the day. I haven't become a different person here. I've always been exactly the kind of man you see.

[ warped and empty, born without a conscience or a heart or a soul. tim couldn't be further away on the spectrum, a heart too big and too forgiving, one that will always, always get hurt. ]

"The devil stands ready to fall upon them and seize them as his own, at what moment God shall permit him." [ embry looks up, meeting tim's eyes. ] Jonathan Edwards. And no, I don't believe this shit. I just read a lot. But it feels like something else has a hold of me, when I'm just — gone. I close my eyes and I wake up and I'm somewhere I don't remember going, having done something I don't remember doing. Ending up with you was the best I could hope for.

[ he stands abruptly, as if remembering that he is somewhere he never intended to be, and tim did say hawk should be back any minute — exactly the last person he wants to see. ]

Yeah, sure. Do you want me to get anything for you before I go?

🎀

[holyposition]

[ truthfully, he hasn’t completely let go of the purgatory theory. There's a part of him that counters his own argument, that says God’s own reasoning for doing what He does is not for Tim to know, that it’s hubris to assume that his mortal notions of logic or reason should have anything to do with His divine will. There’s another part of him that wishes desperately to be wrong, to think it can be possible to take this temporary happiness and bring it home, make it truly real.

It’s been six months. It’s starting to feel like they’ll never know for sure, and the ache in his head is too strong in the wake of Alicent’s beating to contemplate it any further. ]

Thanks, I guess. [ Tim’s not interested in fighting or fucking him, so it probably is the best case scenario. ] Will you tell me if it happens again? Maybe we can figure out a pattern, or something.

[ He doesn’t want to keep him, especially since he hadn’t intended on dropping by in the first place, but he gives an honest answer, waving vaguely towards the bathroom door. ]

A couple aspirin, if you don’t mind? They’ll be in the medicine cabinet.

Have a good night, Embry.