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[holyposition]

WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK

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t.laughlin

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[holyposition]

You just assume there's a next time. What if I don't want one?

[ The more honest, more vulnerable version of the real question - what if he can't learn to trust him again? ]

Admitting that you messed up doesn't fix it.

[homosexuals]

Then I'm gonna spend the rest of my life kicking myself for losing you. I can't promise you'll be able to get rid of me, but if...if that's what you want, I'd have to let you go.

Christ, Tim. I want you to be happy. And selfishly, I want to be happy too.

I'm trying. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I am.

[holyposition]

Well, I’m not happy. Because you walked out on me, and you still won’t tell me why.

[ He thinks Hawk would come if he asked him to. It’s tempting. ‘Come over and fix it, it could be so easy, all you have to do is explain yourself, for once.’ Maybe he would try. Say something with just enough truth to it to keep Tim holding on, but not the full story. He wants Hawk to convince him that it’ll be safe to trust him again, not mope around and kick himself. Fight for him. It’s childish, he knows, to expect Hawk to read his mind on this, but is that not what he asks Tim to do, all the time? ]

[homosexuals]

I told you. I have to keep you safe. There's - something big going on around here. I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. A lot of people could get hurt if I don't, including the person at the middle of it.

I have to keep it discreet. I'm not trying to play hero, but there's plenty of good reasons for it.

[his voice softens, wishing he could be there to cup tim's face and stroke at his cheeks or press their foreheads together.]

I'm not giving up on us. I just can't do it all right now.

I'm sorry.

[holyposition]

Yeah, and you're so important that you need to do it all by yourself, I remember.

[ Tim sighs, heavy, the weight of every minute since Hawk left in one exhale. ]

I'm gonna go back to bed.

[homosexuals]

This has nothing to do with accolades. It's the only way I can keep you safe, don't you get that, Skippy? And maybe you don't like that it isn't mutual, but it's not a risk I'm willing to take.

[he's got to give him something to hang onto. shit.]

I'm bulletproof, remember? I got interrogated my M-Unit on Christmas and came out the other side without a scratch.

[holyposition]

Don't you get that letting me wander around blind isn't keeping me safe?

What does that have to do with this?

[homosexuals]

You're not wandering around blind. You really think I'm not keeping tabs on you?

Nevermind. Forget it.

[holyposition]

Stalking me.

[homosexuals]

Looking out for you.

[holyposition]

I don't feel any safer.

[homosexuals]

You'd feel it even less if you knew what was out there.

I'm not gonna go around with you in circles, okay? I made my choice, and whether you want to believe it or not - it's for the best.

[holyposition]

Yeah. You did.

[ Click. ]