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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[holyposition]

I appreciate the thought anyway, Jacaerys.

Would you mind, actually? Answering a few questions for me? I'm trying to prepare for Hawk coming back.

[vermax]

I will answer what I can. But I cannot say his return shall match mine own, for both times I found myself gasping for air and returned to life have differed.

[holyposition]

How so?

[vermax]

The first time was a ritual by Alina’s hand. I woke and she was there, her power called me back from not the Stranger’s grasp but the very halls of the manor that kept myself and others trapped.

The second, I was alone and I remember little.

[holyposition]

Do you feel different now, after? Daemon said there was something wrong with your hands.

[vermax]

My hands look as if touched by death, but I can carry the weight of a sword and swing it all the same. That aside, I bear my scars as you do. This place seems to bring its dead back whole and hale of body if no other is involved. I do not think your Hawk will be marked as I am.

Or do you worry for my mind?

[holyposition]

I worry for both. And probably more that I haven't thought to worry about.

[vermax]

He will return. Do not make yourself sick over it.

I feel myself in mind. If not guilty and angry for it.

[holyposition]

It's too late for that, but thank you.

Why should you feel guilty?

cw: ref to gore and mutilation

[vermax]

Should I not? My brother had barely lived past his fifteenth name day. Torn apart, there was not one piece left of him to bury.

Yet here I stand in this place, dead twice and reduced to mere pieces but able to tell the tale.

[holyposition]

I'm sorry to hear that. I didnt know.

That isn't your fault, still. You didn't ask to be brought here, or to play this manor's sick games.

[vermax]

I apologize. I meant to offer support to you and instead I unload my burdens and grief onto you.

None of us did, yet we are forced. I fear the division and anxieties the game caused is exactly what this place wants.

[holyposition]

No, it’s okay. I did ask.

If the relationship was strong before the game, it can be mended. I had disagreements with people close to me, but we have to believe that the people we care about are doing the best they can, and in good faith.

[vermax]

Still.

I like to believe myself an optimist, so I will endeavor keep your thoughts in mind. Back home, head would roll for less.

I have few allies and friends here yet. I suppose I am lucky in this sense. And few bonds can be broken with a man who spent most of the month amongst the dead. ( there's some dark humour for you, tim. )

[holyposition]

So I've gathered. Prince Aemond doesn't sugarcoat anything.

You can count me among them, so long as your truce holds.

[vermax]

No, he does not blunt the sharpness of his tongue. Some find it unsettling when they do not know what to expect.

I would not be the first to break it, you have my word. May I ask you something? About your allegiances to Alicent?

[holyposition]

I admit I did too, at first.

Sure, I don't mind.

[vermax]

I expect it is a well-used shield. What changed?

What drew you into her service?

[holyposition]

It started out of circumstance. There was a party around the time that she arrived that was attacked by a raging wolfman - a literal one, some horrible beast. In the chaos, it clawed at her, and I could see that it meant to kill her, so I acted, warding it away, patched her wound, and got her somewhere safe. After, we found that we got along well, had more in common than you might expect. She's been a good friend to me, and so has the prince, in his own way.

[vermax]

So this last moon was not the first time this place has tried to kill its guests? I should not be so surprised.

You are a brave man, Tim, with a good heart. And what is it that you have in common with the queen?

[holyposition]

No. Only the first time it's forced us to turn against each other.

That's kind of you to say. But it was only the right thing to do.

We bonded over our faith, at first. Mine is different from the one practiced in Westeros, but there's enough in common that we can pray together and enjoy learning about the other. She has a good heart too, even though her circumstances have tried to harden it.

[vermax]

Do not belittle yourself. Plenty of men would rather do the easy thing, than the right one.

( the talk of faith does not surprise him, for Alicent was always devout in his memories of her. it is the mention of a good heart that strikes at him, like a viper aiming for open flesh. he starts a response many times and stops himself, erasing what he wrote.

it is hard to think of her as good-hearted, when the first lessons Alicent gave to him were of fear and shame, when the first dreams he could remember were nightmares of watching his brothers torn from his mother's arms and their lives made forfeit. but this man is loyal to Alicent already and Jace is not asking to start a fight, nor change the tides of their alliance with accusations and sharp words. there is little point in it, when they stand on the same side of the line. ) They say only the septons and septas are more devout than the Dowager Queen herself.

I am glad that this place allows for softness. My mother and Alicent were allowed little of it back home, the Red Keep had little room for it in particular so I imagine that my cousins saw it sparsely as well.

[holyposition]

[ So he's been told by plenty of people, since the night he met Alicent, but to remain humble is a virtue. Tim is no knight proper, even if he's been training with the sword with Aemond - he was in the right place at the right time, and he remains optimistic that most would do what he did, if it had been them instead. But he's glad that it was him. He doesn't speak of Alicent's heart to emphasize his allegiance, but because he believes it to be true. ]

There aren't many here who place much value in faith. It makes the people who do stand out more.

Was it different for you?

[vermax]

In faith? Or faith that resembles that which you know?

Only once my mother took us to Dragonstone. After her sworn protector was dismissed from service by the Queen's request, ( after his true father was killed, ) she convinced my father it was a safer place for our family. My brothers and I grew up with more freedoms there, with peace instead of looming shadows.

[holyposition]

Both, I'd say. Apparently it's not so popular, in modern times.

That's good. I was starting to think it was harsh all over, where you're from.