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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[holyposition]

I don't know.

I lit a candle for him this morning, but it didn't feel right. He didn't die.

[kobes]

[you still lost him, he doesn't say.]

Maybe something else would be better? A distraction?

[holyposition]

I've been trying.

[ Meditating with Alia. Wearing himself out at the gym. Rebuilding the chapel, again. ]

Any suggestions?

[kobes]

I usually fill my head with a bunch of other things until I can't think anymore. Or I work. Or swim.

Icy water's hard to think through.

[holyposition]

I don't want to have my clothes off in public right now.

I know what works for me, and I can't do that either.

[kobes]

No, that makes sense. Running, that's more or less the same.

Or that place where you can break things. I've gone there a couple times to try things.

[holyposition]

Harry took me there a few times.

[ Understood his need to act out without actually hurting anyone. ]

So I don't think it would take my mind off it. But maybe it would be a nice way to honor him.

[kobes]

Oh.

Oh! That's a good idea. In a roundabout way. I've never been there when I'm actually angry, but -- if you'd rather go alone, that's okay too.

[holyposition]

Really? You should try it. We went after the wolf games. And after all that drama with Aemond. It helps.

Come with me! Teaching you how to swing will be a real distraction.

[kobes]

Who says I'm angry? I'm not angry. [a pause.] I'm only a little angry.

I can swing! I mean, I could if I tried? Unless you mean a baseball bat?

Is that what they're called?

[holyposition]

Of course you are. We’ve been trapped here for almost a year and we’re no closer to figuring it out than when we started. Luffy disappeared on you. Last month one of our own raised the dead and got a bunch of people killed, one of your crew among them. It’s okay to be angry. Anyone would be, Koby.

I mean a bat, yeah. I played in college, I’ll show you.

[kobes]

I screamed at Nami. I feel
Awful about it. I don't do that sort of thing.

You did? Hao is OBSESSED with it. I can't keep all the players and rules straight.
But just using the bat to break things should be all right.

[holyposition]

It's okay, Koby. It's a stressful situation. Did you apologize?

You didn't know? It's the classic American sport.

...what's the situation with you and Hao, anyway?

[kobes]

Yes. Right after I said it. Still, she didn't deserve that, she's hurting in a way I can't ever really comprehend.

I've read about it, in passing. But I don't tend to read exclusively about sports, you know.

That's a good question. I care a lot about what happens to him, and his boyfriend's really sweet. He makes me insane, but he was my first and he was
Really sweet and careful. Not like he normally is.

[holyposition]

I hope you never have to. But I do. I'm sure she knows you didn't mean it.

Insane how? Besides the obvious.

[kobes]

Still. I should've been kinder.
I saw how much it hurt you, how much it was hurting her.

He's annoying. And he takes risks.
He died last month too.

[holyposition]

What did you say that was so awful?

He did?
Why didn’t you say anything?
I would have been there for you, you know that.

[kobes]

That no matter what happens here, at least she knows she'll be with the people she loves when we go home.
I won't.

I know you would've, I know.
I just was trying not to think or talk about any of it.

[holyposition]

...yeah. Not very tactful. But Koby, I will tell you this until I am blue in the face – you have a choice. You always do, even when it seems impossible.

Is Nami still mad at you?

Repressing it won’t make you feel better. Trust me.

[kobes]

I know, it was terrible, I felt terrible immediately.
And thank you. I appreciate you saying that. [even if he doesn't believe it, because he can't, because that's not how his world works.]

She's more mad at Sanji, I think, so things are more or less normal.

No, you're right. For either of us. So.
Show me how to use a bat?

[holyposition]

[ It's not how Tim's works, either. Not until someone makes the difficult choice to make things better. To force them to be better. ]

Why Sanji? She should be mad at Emmerich, he started it.

I would love to :)

[kobes]

It's easier to be mad at him, I think? She's always a little mad at him. It's sort of a sign things are getting back to normal.

You'd better bring a helmet too, in case my aim is bad at first :)

[holyposition]

[ It's not that that isn't a little relatable, but still: ]

He started it, though. Being mad at him is incredibly easy.

I'll give you a wide berth.