holyposition | IC Inbox

You don't have to sound so defensive about it. [ tetchy. ] It's a pretty obvious guess.

[ that boy can't be trusted. but he isn't here to argue aemond's virtue, which he wouldn't do on any day, good or bad (he doesn't have any). ]

Well, there's no way that Hawk busted you up like this, so what're you trying to hide?

[ he carries the wastebasket to the door, leaving it out of the way before he turns around, genuine concern on his face and more than a little discomfort. he's well aware that to even begin getting answers, he has to give some of his own, and frankly, the burden is getting harder to bear. ash knows the bulk of it, of course. hawk knows some of it, but he doesn't want him to know that it's happened more than once, or how bad it's getting. and tim? tim just watched it happen, so it's not like he can just walk out and pretend this moment was make-believe. ]

Since I died. It's sleepwalking, I think. [ he knows that much. ] You'll be happy to hear that I'm ninety percent sure I'm an abomination now. Biblically.

What do you mean, hide? This is my own room, and it's the middle of the night.

[ A normal place to be. Remember normal, Embry? Don't answer that.

Tim watches him, fully aware that he's being both defensive and evasive. It's hard, when he's not sure what the right thing to do is. Before she almost crushed his windpipe to dust, Alicent asked him not to tell anyone he saw her, because they'd look for her and get hurt. The rationale was...sound enough, for the state she was in. There's an angry knee-jerk urge, to defy his orders, to refuse to give into the same paternalistic crap he was so mad at Hawk and Aemond about.

His teeth catch his lip to keep it at bay. Maybe he can wrangle some good out of this if he keeps his mouth shut. ]

...why would I be happy to hear that? [ Brows scrunching, shaking his head - slowly - in confusion. ] I've never wished any misfortune on you.

[ Except for not getting dick from Hawk, a fate worse than most forms of torture, actually. ]

[ no, actually. he hasn't been normal for fifteen years.

it's strange, the halting look in tim's eyes. normally, he wouldn't think much of it. but normally, tim doesn't look like he went three rounds with a doorknob and lost.

that gets a snort out of him. ]

I know we're in a semi-decent place right now, but you don't have to lay it on that thick.

[ never wished any misfortune? never? embry finds that difficult to believe, but maybe it's because tim religiously (heh) reads his bible and lets hawk fuck him on the regular. not that different from ash, except ash is the one doing the fucking.

he feels a little pang of guilt, when he thinks about how ash hasn't really touched his bible since embry got back. ]

Don't tell Hawk. I mean, he knows. It happened once before. But I don't want him to know it's happening before I can figure out if this really is a pattern or just — a manifestation of all the bullshit that's been going on. [ he finally gives in, bridging the few steps between them and coming to sit on the edge of the bed, uninvited. ] Whatever happened to you... I'll keep your secret. You know I only care about a handful of people in this place anyway.

What? Is that so hard to believe? I don't like being angry, and there's people that deserve it way more than you. [ Danny, Eddie, their violent, crazy friends. Daemon. Hell, Hawk would say he's well within his rights to be furious with Alicent now, even if he can't bring himself to feel it. ] Maybe...briefly, I wished Ash would dump you, actually. But only briefly.

[ He gets a snort back - that's an easier concession than giving Alicent away. But actual bodily harm, or...bizarre, unholy transformation? No, he would never be glad for that. The number of times he's had to talk Aemond down from stabbing him in the gut or dangling him out of a window should be a solid enough record on that.

Attentively, Tim listens to him, eyes locked on Embry even as he reaches for a half-full glass of water at his bedside. ]

I won't tell him. [ If Embry stays too much longer, he won't need to. ]

[ He knows Embry keeps the list of people he gives a damn about pretty small, and as he's unwilling to ask if he's on it, he sidesteps the question, keeping the focus on Embry. If he isn't, he won't go back on his word for him. ]

Do you think it's the house? Or just...the trauma of being killed?

Edited 2025-01-08 20:03 (UTC)

[ he wants to laugh, and almost does, rubbing blearily at his eyes. ]

If Ash had any sense, he would have by now.

[ instead, he gave him a ring, the ring that embry has wondered about for years and years since he turned it down, twice, chaining him to his side. there's no other future he wants, and yet he's less deserving of it now than he was the first time, and he was hardly deserving of it then, either. ]

I don't know. Both, I think. [ a pause, as hawk's corpse flashes through his memory. ] I don't think anyone who's died should've really come back. Because there might be something wrong with all of us. If I believed in souls, I would say they're damaged in a way that probably can't be repaired. Now I don't know what to believe, since I also don't believe in crawling out of your own grave.

What the hell happened to you, Tim? If you're not gonna tell me, just say you're not gonna tell me. Though you're an asshole for it, because you know I'm not the one having pillow talks around here.

[ Tim chuckles at that, already regretting the thought for being mean-spirited, but every so often, the self-deprecation can be charming. If he happens to agree ahead of time. This isn't so horrible, he thinks, probably still delirious from knocking his head on that table. As far as Embry showing up in his room in the middle of the night, probably the best possible scenario. ]

...yeah. [ Quietly agreeing, settling back against the pillows and reaching for the cross nestled in his chest hair, twisting it absent-mindedly around his finger. ] I thought this was purgatory, for a long time. And then you were killed, and Danny didn't go anywhere. If we're here to cleanse our souls, and we choose instead to murder people, that should be the answer, right? You should leave, you should go to Hell. So... [ With a sigh. Let's not talk about how this applies to Hawk, too. ] I don't know what to believe, either.

I'll tell you. But not right now. [ When Alicent is normal again, when it's not as good as sending him out to meet the same abuse. ] But you're the asshole, sleepwalking into my room and demanding answers.

[ There's no anger behind it. But be serious. ]

It's not purgatory. You can't make excuses for the same behaviors that you know would happen back home, if people could get away with it. [ brows pinched, he looks away. ] That includes me. I'd have gone after Danny for stalking me if I wasn't being watched by the Secret Service every hour of the day. I haven't become a different person here. I've always been exactly the kind of man you see.

[ warped and empty, born without a conscience or a heart or a soul. tim couldn't be further away on the spectrum, a heart too big and too forgiving, one that will always, always get hurt. ]

"The devil stands ready to fall upon them and seize them as his own, at what moment God shall permit him." [ embry looks up, meeting tim's eyes. ] Jonathan Edwards. And no, I don't believe this shit. I just read a lot. But it feels like something else has a hold of me, when I'm just — gone. I close my eyes and I wake up and I'm somewhere I don't remember going, having done something I don't remember doing. Ending up with you was the best I could hope for.

[ he stands abruptly, as if remembering that he is somewhere he never intended to be, and tim did say hawk should be back any minute — exactly the last person he wants to see. ]

Yeah, sure. Do you want me to get anything for you before I go?

[ truthfully, he hasn’t completely let go of the purgatory theory. There's a part of him that counters his own argument, that says God’s own reasoning for doing what He does is not for Tim to know, that it’s hubris to assume that his mortal notions of logic or reason should have anything to do with His divine will. There’s another part of him that wishes desperately to be wrong, to think it can be possible to take this temporary happiness and bring it home, make it truly real.

It’s been six months. It’s starting to feel like they’ll never know for sure, and the ache in his head is too strong in the wake of Alicent’s beating to contemplate it any further. ]

Thanks, I guess. [ Tim’s not interested in fighting or fucking him, so it probably is the best case scenario. ] Will you tell me if it happens again? Maybe we can figure out a pattern, or something.

[ He doesn’t want to keep him, especially since he hadn’t intended on dropping by in the first place, but he gives an honest answer, waving vaguely towards the bathroom door. ]

A couple aspirin, if you don’t mind? They’ll be in the medicine cabinet.

Have a good night, Embry.

IC Inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

🎀