What? Is that so hard to believe? I don't like being angry, and there's people that deserve it way more than you. [ Danny, Eddie, their violent, crazy friends. Daemon. Hell, Hawk would say he's well within his rights to be furious with Alicent now, even if he can't bring himself to feel it. ] Maybe...briefly, I wished Ash would dump you, actually. But only briefly.
[ He gets a snort back - that's an easier concession than giving Alicent away. But actual bodily harm, or...bizarre, unholy transformation? No, he would never be glad for that. The number of times he's had to talk Aemond down from stabbing him in the gut or dangling him out of a window should be a solid enough record on that.
Attentively, Tim listens to him, eyes locked on Embry even as he reaches for a half-full glass of water at his bedside. ]
I won't tell him. [ If Embry stays too much longer, he won't need to. ]
[ He knows Embry keeps the list of people he gives a damn about pretty small, and as he's unwilling to ask if he's on it, he sidesteps the question, keeping the focus on Embry. If he isn't, he won't go back on his word for him. ]
Do you think it's the house? Or just...the trauma of being killed?
[ he wants to laugh, and almost does, rubbing blearily at his eyes. ]
If Ash had any sense, he would have by now.
[ instead, he gave him a ring, the ring that embry has wondered about for years and years since he turned it down, twice, chaining him to his side. there's no other future he wants, and yet he's less deserving of it now than he was the first time, and he was hardly deserving of it then, either. ]
I don't know. Both, I think. [ a pause, as hawk's corpse flashes through his memory. ] I don't think anyone who's died should've really come back. Because there might be something wrong with all of us. If I believed in souls, I would say they're damaged in a way that probably can't be repaired. Now I don't know what to believe, since I also don't believe in crawling out of your own grave.
What the hell happened to you, Tim? If you're not gonna tell me, just say you're not gonna tell me. Though you're an asshole for it, because you know I'm not the one having pillow talks around here.
[ Tim chuckles at that, already regretting the thought for being mean-spirited, but every so often, the self-deprecation can be charming. If he happens to agree ahead of time. This isn't so horrible, he thinks, probably still delirious from knocking his head on that table. As far as Embry showing up in his room in the middle of the night, probably the best possible scenario. ]
...yeah. [ Quietly agreeing, settling back against the pillows and reaching for the cross nestled in his chest hair, twisting it absent-mindedly around his finger. ] I thought this was purgatory, for a long time. And then you were killed, and Danny didn't go anywhere. If we're here to cleanse our souls, and we choose instead to murder people, that should be the answer, right? You should leave, you should go to Hell. So... [ With a sigh. Let's not talk about how this applies to Hawk, too. ] I don't know what to believe, either.
I'll tell you. But not right now. [ When Alicent is normal again, when it's not as good as sending him out to meet the same abuse. ] But you're the asshole, sleepwalking into my room and demanding answers.
It's not purgatory. You can't make excuses for the same behaviors that you know would happen back home, if people could get away with it. [ brows pinched, he looks away. ] That includes me. I'd have gone after Danny for stalking me if I wasn't being watched by the Secret Service every hour of the day. I haven't become a different person here. I've always been exactly the kind of man you see.
[ warped and empty, born without a conscience or a heart or a soul. tim couldn't be further away on the spectrum, a heart too big and too forgiving, one that will always, always get hurt. ]
"The devil stands ready to fall upon them and seize them as his own, at what moment God shall permit him." [ embry looks up, meeting tim's eyes. ] Jonathan Edwards. And no, I don't believe this shit. I just read a lot. But it feels like something else has a hold of me, when I'm just — gone. I close my eyes and I wake up and I'm somewhere I don't remember going, having done something I don't remember doing. Ending up with you was the best I could hope for.
[ he stands abruptly, as if remembering that he is somewhere he never intended to be, and tim did say hawk should be back any minute — exactly the last person he wants to see. ]
Yeah, sure. Do you want me to get anything for you before I go?
[ truthfully, he hasn’t completely let go of the purgatory theory. There's a part of him that counters his own argument, that says God’s own reasoning for doing what He does is not for Tim to know, that it’s hubris to assume that his mortal notions of logic or reason should have anything to do with His divine will. There’s another part of him that wishes desperately to be wrong, to think it can be possible to take this temporary happiness and bring it home, make it truly real.
It’s been six months. It’s starting to feel like they’ll never know for sure, and the ache in his head is too strong in the wake of Alicent’s beating to contemplate it any further. ]
Thanks, I guess. [ Tim’s not interested in fighting or fucking him, so it probably is the best case scenario. ] Will you tell me if it happens again? Maybe we can figure out a pattern, or something.
[ He doesn’t want to keep him, especially since he hadn’t intended on dropping by in the first place, but he gives an honest answer, waving vaguely towards the bathroom door. ]
A couple aspirin, if you don’t mind? They’ll be in the medicine cabinet.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-01-08 08:02 pm (UTC)[ He gets a snort back - that's an easier concession than giving Alicent away. But actual bodily harm, or...bizarre, unholy transformation? No, he would never be glad for that. The number of times he's had to talk Aemond down from stabbing him in the gut or dangling him out of a window should be a solid enough record on that.
Attentively, Tim listens to him, eyes locked on Embry even as he reaches for a half-full glass of water at his bedside. ]
I won't tell him. [ If Embry stays too much longer, he won't need to. ]
[ He knows Embry keeps the list of people he gives a damn about pretty small, and as he's unwilling to ask if he's on it, he sidesteps the question, keeping the focus on Embry. If he isn't, he won't go back on his word for him. ]
Do you think it's the house? Or just...the trauma of being killed?
no subject
Date: 2025-01-10 09:37 pm (UTC)If Ash had any sense, he would have by now.
[ instead, he gave him a ring, the ring that embry has wondered about for years and years since he turned it down, twice, chaining him to his side. there's no other future he wants, and yet he's less deserving of it now than he was the first time, and he was hardly deserving of it then, either. ]
I don't know. Both, I think. [ a pause, as hawk's corpse flashes through his memory. ] I don't think anyone who's died should've really come back. Because there might be something wrong with all of us. If I believed in souls, I would say they're damaged in a way that probably can't be repaired. Now I don't know what to believe, since I also don't believe in crawling out of your own grave.
What the hell happened to you, Tim? If you're not gonna tell me, just say you're not gonna tell me. Though you're an asshole for it, because you know I'm not the one having pillow talks around here.
no subject
Date: 2025-01-11 06:36 pm (UTC)...yeah. [ Quietly agreeing, settling back against the pillows and reaching for the cross nestled in his chest hair, twisting it absent-mindedly around his finger. ] I thought this was purgatory, for a long time. And then you were killed, and Danny didn't go anywhere. If we're here to cleanse our souls, and we choose instead to murder people, that should be the answer, right? You should leave, you should go to Hell. So... [ With a sigh. Let's not talk about how this applies to Hawk, too. ] I don't know what to believe, either.
I'll tell you. But not right now. [ When Alicent is normal again, when it's not as good as sending him out to meet the same abuse. ] But you're the asshole, sleepwalking into my room and demanding answers.
[ There's no anger behind it. But be serious. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-01-12 01:02 am (UTC)[ warped and empty, born without a conscience or a heart or a soul. tim couldn't be further away on the spectrum, a heart too big and too forgiving, one that will always, always get hurt. ]
"The devil stands ready to fall upon them and seize them as his own, at what moment God shall permit him." [ embry looks up, meeting tim's eyes. ] Jonathan Edwards. And no, I don't believe this shit. I just read a lot. But it feels like something else has a hold of me, when I'm just — gone. I close my eyes and I wake up and I'm somewhere I don't remember going, having done something I don't remember doing. Ending up with you was the best I could hope for.
[ he stands abruptly, as if remembering that he is somewhere he never intended to be, and tim did say hawk should be back any minute — exactly the last person he wants to see. ]
Yeah, sure. Do you want me to get anything for you before I go?
🎀
Date: 2025-01-16 04:22 pm (UTC)It’s been six months. It’s starting to feel like they’ll never know for sure, and the ache in his head is too strong in the wake of Alicent’s beating to contemplate it any further. ]
Thanks, I guess. [ Tim’s not interested in fighting or fucking him, so it probably is the best case scenario. ] Will you tell me if it happens again? Maybe we can figure out a pattern, or something.
[ He doesn’t want to keep him, especially since he hadn’t intended on dropping by in the first place, but he gives an honest answer, waving vaguely towards the bathroom door. ]
A couple aspirin, if you don’t mind? They’ll be in the medicine cabinet.
Have a good night, Embry.