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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[mygoodsir]

No, it would not be fair. But I would do it all the same, if you asked.

Tim, I think you may be judging just a little.

Oh my dearest darling. No.

I will not tease you for such thoughts, as I would be a liar if I said that I have not had similar fears. Your other lovers are objectively much more virile, much more handsome. Hawk is a veritable Adonis with decades of erotic experience.

But that matters not. I've no idea how I captured your affections but against all odds I have. That is what is important.

I trust that you are not secretly comparing us to one another. Am I correct in this?

[holyposition]

I don't want you to do anything I ask, even if it's not fair to you. You deserve better.

I'm not comparing you.

[ Mostly. He's not keeping score, but there's differences, of course there are. If he were just like Hawk, or vise versa, he wouldn't need them both. ]

I'm just being insecure. That's not your fault. I need to work on that.

A veritable Adonis, though.

Are you attracted to him?

[mygoodsir]

I don't know that I do.

Then you see my point. You are not the same men, and you've no reason to be jealous. In fact, I feel that if you were to talk about anything but intercourse you'd get along quite well.

It is alright, Tim. I am not upset with you.

He is undeniably an attractive man.

[holyposition]

Do what I say when I tell you to trust me on that, then.

Maybe. This is still so new, though. I don't know what to expect when I think about other people. Since I don't know you inside and out yet.

Sure. But I wasn't asking objectively.

[mygoodsir]

As you wish.

Don't you? I would tell you anything you want to know.

[So much for that dodge.]

Yes, but in a different way.

[holyposition]

I know. And I would for you. But it couldn't occur to me to ask everything there is to know in...what's it been, a couple months? And I was dead or not myself for a good chunk of it. Discovering each other is part of the fun.

What way is that?

[mygoodsir]

No, you are correct. And I do apologise. I recognise that my feelings for you are intense, and probably happened inappropriately fast.

He reminds me of certain officers I have known. Very masculine men who have no desire for the more affectionate side of love.

[holyposition]

You don't have to apologize. It's always been fast for me, too.

Well...that's not true. I'm sure it seems like it. But he is affectionate. I'm not neglected.

[mygoodsir]

I've never been in love like this before.

Oh, no, of course not! I know perfectly well that it isn't the case.
But you asked how I found him attractive.

[holyposition]

"Always" oversells my experience, I guess. It's only been Hawk. There were some here that I thought could have gotten there, but something always goes wrong.

I'm glad it did though. If it left me open for you.

You find him attractive...because he doesn't seem like the kind of guy who cuddles when you're done?

[mygoodsir]

Oh, Tim.

[He's going to expire from embarrassment.]

He comes across like the kind of man who frigs you in the slops closet and never makes eye contact again, yes.

[holyposition]

He used to be. He's changed, though.

[ Harry's not the first to fall under the spell of Tim's hole, of course. ]

[mygoodsir]

I do not doubt that. He is a very upstanding man and I trust and respect him completely.

[He just likes the idea of being manhandled cruelly ok]

[holyposition]

Upstanding might be a stretch. Between you and me.

If you want to play at rough trade with him, you have my blessing. But you have to tell me.

[mygoodsir]

Tim I do not know what those words mean.

[holyposition]

It's what you're looking for if you want something rough and mean. The kind of guy who won't call you after.

[mygoodsir]

Oh.

I couldn't.

[holyposition]

I'm not suggesting or not suggesting it. Just saying that he would be good at it, if that's what you wanted.

Maybe it would soothe some awkwardness.

[mygoodsir]

I am certain he would be. But I doubt he'd be interested.

We've awkwardness?

[holyposition]

Not severely. But we're both jealous people, so he feels...not threatened, I don't think. He's just not used to sharing in the ways that matter the most. Neither of us are.

He loves someone else too, but he won't admit it.

[mygoodsir]

[He has to sit and process that for a bit.]

There is not a world that I can imagine in which Hawk has anything to fear from me. He is your world.

Do you like this person?

[holyposition]

I'm not going anywhere. I don't take anything I've said to you lightly, either.

That's a really complicated question. He's an ass. It started behind my back. And Hawk killed someone for him, who got his revenge and killed him right back. And I never got to be mad about any of it because everyone was dying and there were bigger things to worry about.

But he's just scared. He's an ass because he thinks everything's going to go wrong anyway, so he might as well ruin it on his own terms. And HE has people from home he's with, it would take a whole graph to explain it all, it's a nightmare.

We understand each other. We're friends now. Even if I still want to smack him sometimes.

[mygoodsir]

I know. I was not trying to imply otherwise. And Tim, I am so very happy with my place in your heart.

That sounds very confusing, but at the same time perhaps all that complex. You are friends now. Hawk must be overjoyed with that.

[holyposition]

I think he's a little annoyed that I'm on better terms with Embry than he is at the moment.

[mygoodsir]

I may not know much about love, Tim, but I suspect that Hawk will overcome his annoyance.

Just fuck his arse and cuddle him after. That seems to work a treat on men.