[ What with the wolfman incident. No, that’s got nothing to do with his heart, necessarily, but he feels the need to downplay it. It doesn’t feel brave to abandon his suite and move into Koby’s, just so that he won’t have to face the traces of Hawk, or to spend a few hours losing himself in something meaningless at Otherworld, dirtying his soul just to distract from the ache. He feels small and weak, like keeping up the resolve to say no might be more painful than the next rejection, the next disappointment, the next lie. ]
No. I shouldn’t have lied, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this.
[ Not brave. Not honorable, after the things he’d said in their fight. Self-indulgent in his misery and the pleasure he's chased to cleanse himself of it, to no avail. Not presentable. Or so he'd thought, until once again, they've revealed themselves to be more similar than should even be possible, considering the drastic differences in their experiences. ]
I can see you tonight. Since I've said too much already. You can tell me about her.
You’re not the first young man to cover his pride and sorrow with a lie. You will certainly not be the last.
[ a laugh bubbles over, despite the tightness in her throat and wetness in her eyes. ]
I can only imagine she would frustrate you as she has vexed me. [ uncaring of the faith, the family, the law, and untouched by consequence. the realm’s delight. ] She would not countenance our studies or prayers unless I begged it of her.
[ and yet she kept the page rhaenyra tore from her book for decades, locked in a box beneath her bed. ]
Come to my rooms, when you’ve gathered yourself. I’ve quite the gentleman for a neighbour.
[ so they won’t be bothered, and tim won’t have to return to the space he shares with hawk. ]
Sounds like Hawk. He doesn’t believe in God. I don’t think he believes in anything, except doing whatever he wants all the time. I don’t understand how people can live that way.
[ In general, at least. If he’d seen the things that Hawk had seen in the war, maybe he’d feel differently, but he saw the gore splashed across the sand on the night the wolfman attacked, he’d caved to the pressure to eat the cake that wasn’t cake, took a bite out of someone’s flesh without his knowledge. The horrible things are adding up, but his faith doesn’t waver. ]
Okay. I’ll be there in half an hour.
[ The room he shared with Hawk now sits abandoned by them both, Tim having been crashing with Koby ever since Hawk left, but despite Koby’s insistence that it’s completely fine, he’s resistant to inviting anyone else over there. He feels like he’s intruding enough as is. So, joining her suits him just fine.
He’ll knock on the door in roughly twenty-five minutes, clean and combed with his eyes free of tears, but the heaviness behind them can’t be as easily hidden. Tim is unshaven, and has been for the last week or so. Trying something new, classic breakup hair change, don’t worry about it. ]
Hey, Alicent.
[ Softly. With new understanding and new vulnerability alike. ]
[ This insight into Hawk lights all she has perceived from a different angle. She would (and has) levelled the same accusations against Rhaenyra. For Alicent has toiled in service of the family and the law since entered the King's chambers, while Rhaenyra has flouted all. How can the faithful be drawn to those without such conviction? She doesn't know. She never has. Trying to unspool that thread now will make no difference, yet she attempts it all the same.
Tim's delay seems a blessing for her composure until she opens her door and sees him truly for the first time, heart stuttering in her chest. None have ever heard her plight, let alone understood it. Looking at his unshaven face and red-rimmed eyes, she wishes it remained that way, even as she finds herself impossibly grateful for his companionship.
For her part, the bruised hue under her eyes, blossoming in sleepless nights, gives away her distress, as does her own rumpled appearance. A frilly nightdress where she ought to have dressed for a vistor. Loose waves when she usually favours intricate style, tidy and proper. A startled expression, too, as though she can't believe he came (or that they conversed about all she has kept inside for so long). ]
Oh, Tim. [ Alicent embraces him before propriety can prevent her from ever reaching out, leaning up on the balls of her heeled feet to throw her arms around his neck. He's too tall. Everyone is, even her sons. ]
[ A life of repression makes her reaction seem novel to him, a burst of affection from someone who is not a lover, or a sister, or his mother. Tim’s always been so careful about it, not just for the sake of propriety, but so that he doesn’t reveal too much about himself, lingering a second too long embracing a man, or not long enough with some poor girl he’ll have to find an excuse to let down. It’s easier to keep to himself, lock his affection in a box that can’t possibly contain the magnitude of it. To be able to open it now in front of Alicent is a new frontier. He feels no fear as he holds her tight, and not because she, like so many others in this place, have insisted that there’s nothing to fear, but because she’s the only one who understands that there is.
Tim lifts her off her feet just a little so that the effort to bridge the height difference is his, not hers. A thank you, an opening up just a little more, all in the flex of his arms. When he finally lets go, there’s still red around his eyes and wetness in the corners that his glasses can’t obscure, but there’s a smile, too. It’s always been dangerous to let himself be known too well, but despite the ache in both of them, it feels like a gulp of air after nearly drowning. Relief, community, and faith. ]
Thank you. Let’s get inside.
[ Tim is dressed casually, instead of in his nightclothes, but a warm embrace in the doorway might still give someone the wrong idea. ]
[ She hiccups a laugh, the sound wet and tight in her throat, as he lifts her feet from the ground. When was the last time someone embraced her out of relief and not pure despair? When Viserys died, only Aemond offered her comfort, in his way, a softness she hadn’t seen from him since. And not like this, clinging as only someone who has known love and affection can.
Tim has more kindness in his heart than either of her boys, besides. It shows in the startled warmth on his face, the pleasing quirk of his mouth. She lingers only to right the crooked angle of his glasses, knocked askew by her haphazardness outreach. ]
Of course. [ She has forgotten all, manners and decorum swallowed by the newness of her ache acknowledged, not subsumed. ] Come in.
[ Her hand finds his arm, tugging him after her. On sight, Alicent’s rooms share her sense of displacement. All dark jewel tones and intricate designs, belonging to an older world. A tapestry hangs from the wall bordering the bathroom, the twisting branches of a thick tree reaching toward the ceiling. At its roots, a stately armchair sits. The vanity opposite her bed must be an antique, bronzed with age. Atop it, jewellery and hairpins are finely organised in decorative boxes and gilded trays — only the emerald-laden tiara stands apart, perching atop the dark oak and catching the flickering candlelight.
Her window looks onto the gardens, rounded windows flung open so she might feel the relief of the night air. The rumpled pillow and blanket at the window seat suggest that’s where she passed the last half hour, when her four poster bed remains neatly made. Perhaps more telling is the packet of cigarettes and glass of red wine on the windowsill. An freshly uncorked bottle sits on the nightstand. ]
Sit, sit. [ A beat. ] You know, I have never entertained without maids to fetch the tea. I suppose I could duck into the hall —
[ Their conversation has been anything but light, all revelations of shared pain and impossible longings, but her laugh puts a smile on his face that usually isn’t possible when he’s like this. The pain should be felt, he believes, rather than glossed over, it’s the only way to take the lessons that he’s meant to. Tim has long since rationalized being able to love a man, decided for himself that love cannot be a sin in order to have a single waking moment where he doesn’t feel hellfire licking at his feet, but loving the wrong one, giving him the kind of single-minded devotion that should be reserved only for God, only to be abandoned when he is no longer convenient, should hurt. Let the puncture wounds in his heart be a lesson.
And yet, despite his tendency and even his desire to wallow in it, he can’t help but feel some relief with her smiling up at him, reaching up to straighten his glasses and pull him inside. The space suits her more than Tim’s current situation (hiding in Koby’s room) suits him, makes him wonder briefly if he’ll ever be brave enough to go back to his own room, purge it of Hawk’s influence and make it his own again. That landmine of dark thoughts is just barely avoided by Alicent’s offer. ]
Oh, no, you don’t need to do that. [ He waves the suggestion away, casual, as he finds a seat for himself. ] It’s late, I don’t need anything. I just wanted to see you. Make sure that you’re...okay?
[ It's just as well that Tim halts her fussing with a gentle word and reorients their conversation to its melancholy beginnings. I just wanted to see you makes the ache inside her yawn wider, a chasm of unanswered feeling. She has had neither friend nor confidant since Larys guided their companionable dinners into unholy transactions. What could a man want from her, if not her body? What could a woman, if not her secrets and station?
Tim would never do such a thing. The thought frightens as much as it comforts, when trust is a risk she should not take in times of war. It isn't like that here. He isn't. She means it when she praises his kindness, a virtue most lacking in the Red Keep. ]
I suppose I am as well as I can be, under the circumstances. [ she drags her vanity's stool before him, wanting for closeness. ] Better, for having company, though I do not know what to say.
[ Her hands twist in her lap, nails digging into her palms. ]
[ quieter, ] Her name is Rhaenyra.
[ That truth is owed, when she knows the pain in his heart by name. ]
[ Well as they can be, under the circumstances. That’s true enough, Tim’s not confident that he’s been doing well, exactly, since he got here, save for those blissful few weeks of cohabitation with hawk which are now, obviously, over. Even then, he’d been worried about wolf people and violence in the hallways. Nothing here has ever been normal or safe, but there are times that have felt close, and people he can be open and unguarded with. To have Alicent among them is a blessing, and if he wants anything from her, it’s that; a safe space in this confusing and horrible manor is much more desirable to him than power or secrets or sex. ]
Rhaenyra. [ The name sounds soft and sweet on his lips, as if Tim were holding affection for her himself, despite having never met her. ] You’ve met Hawk. On his best behavior, at least. Tell me about her.
[ His smile is gently conspiratorial, trying to lighten the mood. ]
[ At the mention of Hawk, her mouth quirks faintly, eyes lingering on his expression. Whatever could keep them apart, when they seemed so well-matched and at ease? It does not bode well for her own circumstances.
Even this innocent chatter seems sacrilegious to her, when Rhaenyra has been enemy, step-daughter, mother of bastards for so long. Yet Tim utters Rhaenyra's name like an old friend's, and it helps. ]
A charming statesman. [ a veiled observation, that. His political background had come through in his initial handling of her, long before they met in the flesh. As for Rhaenyra — ]
They named her the realm's delight for the joy she brought the people, her mother, and the king, who loved her above all others. [ including his second wife and their children. Fondly, ] She is spoilt as any prince and daring as the finest knights. [ with a wistful sigh, ] If she could have spent our girlhood on dragonback, never touching the ground to study or pray, she would have done.
[ He repeats back with awe, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands. Tim has learned already that her world is different from his own, but it sounds like a fairy tale, even still. Brave knights riding dragons, rebellious princesses, forbidden romance. It’s not a fantasy, clearly, Alicent and her feelings are real and right in front of him, but it’s so fantastical compared to his own more mundane version of it that he can’t help but be fascinated. ]
And she was allowed to do that, as a girl?
[ His sister wasn’t even allowed to ride horseback at summer camp. ]
[ Tim’s interest feels contagious, injecting long-dead memories with warmth. He sounds how she felt, watching Rhaenyra dismount, riding glove in her teeth. ]
As a princess, Tim. [ said much the same as keep up, teasing. Her voice lilts as she leans forward, giving into the story of it. Mayhaps that will make it easier to tell. She has never been able to speak of Rhaenyra with anyone before now. ] As a Targaryen — our most ancient and noble house, the blood of Old Valyria, of the dragons themselves — even the king could not stop her, though he oft tried.
[ He did not understand even then, she thinks, guided by his wife in his handling of her. ]
Against his orders, she once flew to face her mercurial uncle and his own beast, the red wyrm, bigger and faster than her she-dragon Syrax. [ Tall tales she once told her firstborn son, when she foolishly hoped he might love his half-sister as she did. ] I do not know how she averted battle, in truth. Mine own father failed to dissuade him from his position before her arrival.
[ Her throat bobs, suddenly thick with sentiment. ]
[ Smiling, not truly chastised. He tries to remember the names, all noble lines and far-off places he's never heard of, but wouldn't be mentioned were they not important. More striking, though, is the way Alicent talks about this woman, as if she were bragging, proud to be close to someone so daring, reckless or not. ]
Bold, and charismatic? [ They might have a similar type. ] You've known her since you were kids, right? Was she always like that?
[ She hums her agreement, the similarities with his Hawkins Fuller not lost on her. The Seven Kingdoms may never accept a woman queen, but if there were one strong and winning enough to convince them, it would be Rhaenyra. It has always been Rhaenyra. ]
My memories of her are all of our childhood. [ A gentle reminder. It is easy to forget, for those from worlds so different from hers. Yet she has not been able to banish Daniel’s outrage over her stolen girlhood from her mind. ]
I speak of a brave girl, who took to the skies in the early years of my marriage. [ Alicent averts her gaze, looking down but also not, for this stare has taken her elsewhere whenever she needed it. ]
We have tried for closeness over the years and sometimes found it, but never for long. [ aching, ] If I wounded her first, when her father took me to wife, we have traded blows ever since.
[ She digs the nails of one hand into the palm of the other. ]
[ Tim bites his tongue for a moment. He isn’t fully versed in the customs of Westeros, or in the details of Alicent’s relationship with her late husband, but he can only assume, based on what she’s said, and his general knowledge of medieval royalty – which is greater than average, he studied history – that marrying her real love’s father was out of her hands. He proceeds slowly, trying to be as tactful as possible. ]
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it doesn’t sound like your marriage was your own choice to make. I’m sure it hurt, but it wasn’t you inflicting the wound. You talk about her like hurting her is the last thing on your mind.
[ Nicer than he’s spoken of Hawk, in his fresh hurt and the bitterness that comes with it. ]
[ Not for the first time, Tim’s instinct for kindness is appreciated. A thoughtful look on his face, gentle words on his tongue. Few people have handled her with such care, not when she needed it most. ]
No, I suppose not. [ It’s taken her some time to realise that, after she willingly went to the King’s chambers and offered him comfort in his grief. She reaches out, hand brushing his in a show of appreciation for his tact and forgiveness, though she cannot accept the latter. ]
Back then, I was a pawn that my father and his liege Lord moved about the board. But my actions in the years that followed…I have knowingly undermined her at every turn. [ There are too many slights to recount, her viperous tongue slandering Rhaenyra and her bastard sons, the blood she herself took with a dagger in hand. She selects the greatest among them: ] It is I who crowned my son in our holy place, before the eyes of gods and men, when she had not even been told of her father’s passing. The war I spoke to you of — it is one for succession, and we now stand in the eye of it.
[ All sounds horribly complicated. It seems that Alicent has been forced to play more roles than any one person could ever manage successfully. Wife, mother, queen, friend, lover. Each with different priorities that are bound to contradict. He's faced these conflicts of identity himself, on a much smaller scale, and found it impossible to juggle it all. This was being simply in proximity to McCarthy's power, far from wielding it himself. Would he have been strong enough to always do the right thing, if he were just a little closer? ]
Sounds complicated. But you're the queen. Your husband and the father of your children newly passed. You had a duty to keep things running smoothly, while dealing with your grief at the same time. You did the best you could.
I chose my children. [ the best she could do for them, not for Rhaenyra or the realm. a selfishness based in blood. a mother’s love. ]
I though my husband did the same — he spoke our firstborn Aegon’s name in his dying breaths and said he should be king, but… why he would waver in those final hours, I do not know.
[ he supported Rhaenyra’s claim in voice for years, if not in law. he never tried to change the rules of succession to favour women, despite espousing support for his daughter. a contradictory, ineffectual man. but kind. alicent knows that any man who takes her to wife for the second time will not be so generous with her. ]
It does not matter, in the end, who was right or wrong. We are at odds, regardless.
[ and only annihilation will win the day, her sons or Rhaenyra. ]
Thank you, Tim — for listening to our strange politics.
[ No, it doesn't seem as though there are right or wrong answers in this scenario. It's difficult for Tim to wrap his head around, for it's only fairly recently that the world has revealed itself to be more than black and white. There was God's word, which was good, and there was everything else. It was childish of him to think that things might always be so simple as that, or to think that they ever were. ]
You're welcome. Thank you for sharing them with me. I'm not sure I understand completely, but I know it's been hard for you. I'm glad you're mostly free of it here.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-08-27 07:18 pm (UTC)[ What with the wolfman incident. No, that’s got nothing to do with his heart, necessarily, but he feels the need to downplay it. It doesn’t feel brave to abandon his suite and move into Koby’s, just so that he won’t have to face the traces of Hawk, or to spend a few hours losing himself in something meaningless at Otherworld, dirtying his soul just to distract from the ache. He feels small and weak, like keeping up the resolve to say no might be more painful than the next rejection, the next disappointment, the next lie. ]
No. I shouldn’t have lied, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this.
[ Not brave. Not honorable, after the things he’d said in their fight. Self-indulgent in his misery and the pleasure he's chased to cleanse himself of it, to no avail. Not presentable. Or so he'd thought, until once again, they've revealed themselves to be more similar than should even be possible, considering the drastic differences in their experiences. ]
I can see you tonight. Since I've said too much already. You can tell me about her.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-27 07:43 pm (UTC)[ a laugh bubbles over, despite the tightness in her throat and wetness in her eyes. ]
I can only imagine she would frustrate you as she has vexed me. [ uncaring of the faith, the family, the law, and untouched by consequence. the realm’s delight. ] She would not countenance our studies or prayers unless I begged it of her.
[ and yet she kept the page rhaenyra tore from her book for decades, locked in a box beneath her bed. ]
Come to my rooms, when you’ve gathered yourself. I’ve quite the gentleman for a neighbour.
[ so they won’t be bothered, and tim won’t have to return to the space he shares with hawk. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-27 09:32 pm (UTC)[ In general, at least. If he’d seen the things that Hawk had seen in the war, maybe he’d feel differently, but he saw the gore splashed across the sand on the night the wolfman attacked, he’d caved to the pressure to eat the cake that wasn’t cake, took a bite out of someone’s flesh without his knowledge. The horrible things are adding up, but his faith doesn’t waver. ]
Okay. I’ll be there in half an hour.
[ The room he shared with Hawk now sits abandoned by them both, Tim having been crashing with Koby ever since Hawk left, but despite Koby’s insistence that it’s completely fine, he’s resistant to inviting anyone else over there. He feels like he’s intruding enough as is. So, joining her suits him just fine.
He’ll knock on the door in roughly twenty-five minutes, clean and combed with his eyes free of tears, but the heaviness behind them can’t be as easily hidden. Tim is unshaven, and has been for the last week or so. Trying something new, classic breakup hair change, don’t worry about it. ]
Hey, Alicent.
[ Softly. With new understanding and new vulnerability alike. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-02 03:35 pm (UTC)Tim's delay seems a blessing for her composure until she opens her door and sees him truly for the first time, heart stuttering in her chest. None have ever heard her plight, let alone understood it. Looking at his unshaven face and red-rimmed eyes, she wishes it remained that way, even as she finds herself impossibly grateful for his companionship.
For her part, the bruised hue under her eyes, blossoming in sleepless nights, gives away her distress, as does her own rumpled appearance. A frilly nightdress where she ought to have dressed for a vistor. Loose waves when she usually favours intricate style, tidy and proper. A startled expression, too, as though she can't believe he came (or that they conversed about all she has kept inside for so long). ]
Oh, Tim. [ Alicent embraces him before propriety can prevent her from ever reaching out, leaning up on the balls of her heeled feet to throw her arms around his neck. He's too tall. Everyone is, even her sons. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-02 05:00 pm (UTC)Tim lifts her off her feet just a little so that the effort to bridge the height difference is his, not hers. A thank you, an opening up just a little more, all in the flex of his arms. When he finally lets go, there’s still red around his eyes and wetness in the corners that his glasses can’t obscure, but there’s a smile, too. It’s always been dangerous to let himself be known too well, but despite the ache in both of them, it feels like a gulp of air after nearly drowning. Relief, community, and faith. ]
Thank you. Let’s get inside.
[ Tim is dressed casually, instead of in his nightclothes, but a warm embrace in the doorway might still give someone the wrong idea. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-03 03:14 pm (UTC)Tim has more kindness in his heart than either of her boys, besides. It shows in the startled warmth on his face, the pleasing quirk of his mouth. She lingers only to right the crooked angle of his glasses, knocked askew by her haphazardness outreach. ]
Of course. [ She has forgotten all, manners and decorum swallowed by the newness of her ache acknowledged, not subsumed. ] Come in.
[ Her hand finds his arm, tugging him after her. On sight, Alicent’s rooms share her sense of displacement. All dark jewel tones and intricate designs, belonging to an older world. A tapestry hangs from the wall bordering the bathroom, the twisting branches of a thick tree reaching toward the ceiling. At its roots, a stately armchair sits. The vanity opposite her bed must be an antique, bronzed with age. Atop it, jewellery and hairpins are finely organised in decorative boxes and gilded trays — only the emerald-laden tiara stands apart, perching atop the dark oak and catching the flickering candlelight.
Her window looks onto the gardens, rounded windows flung open so she might feel the relief of the night air. The rumpled pillow and blanket at the window seat suggest that’s where she passed the last half hour, when her four poster bed remains neatly made. Perhaps more telling is the packet of cigarettes and glass of red wine on the windowsill. An freshly uncorked bottle sits on the nightstand. ]
Sit, sit. [ A beat. ] You know, I have never entertained without maids to fetch the tea. I suppose I could duck into the hall —
no subject
Date: 2024-09-09 03:29 pm (UTC)And yet, despite his tendency and even his desire to wallow in it, he can’t help but feel some relief with her smiling up at him, reaching up to straighten his glasses and pull him inside. The space suits her more than Tim’s current situation (hiding in Koby’s room) suits him, makes him wonder briefly if he’ll ever be brave enough to go back to his own room, purge it of Hawk’s influence and make it his own again. That landmine of dark thoughts is just barely avoided by Alicent’s offer. ]
Oh, no, you don’t need to do that. [ He waves the suggestion away, casual, as he finds a seat for himself. ] It’s late, I don’t need anything. I just wanted to see you. Make sure that you’re...okay?
no subject
Date: 2024-09-12 02:54 pm (UTC)Tim would never do such a thing. The thought frightens as much as it comforts, when trust is a risk she should not take in times of war. It isn't like that here. He isn't. She means it when she praises his kindness, a virtue most lacking in the Red Keep. ]
I suppose I am as well as I can be, under the circumstances. [ she drags her vanity's stool before him, wanting for closeness. ] Better, for having company, though I do not know what to say.
[ Her hands twist in her lap, nails digging into her palms. ]
[ quieter, ] Her name is Rhaenyra.
[ That truth is owed, when she knows the pain in his heart by name. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-12 03:50 pm (UTC)Rhaenyra. [ The name sounds soft and sweet on his lips, as if Tim were holding affection for her himself, despite having never met her. ] You’ve met Hawk. On his best behavior, at least. Tell me about her.
[ His smile is gently conspiratorial, trying to lighten the mood. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-12 04:51 pm (UTC)Even this innocent chatter seems sacrilegious to her, when Rhaenyra has been enemy, step-daughter, mother of bastards for so long. Yet Tim utters Rhaenyra's name like an old friend's, and it helps. ]
A charming statesman. [ a veiled observation, that. His political background had come through in his initial handling of her, long before they met in the flesh. As for Rhaenyra — ]
They named her the realm's delight for the joy she brought the people, her mother, and the king, who loved her above all others. [ including his second wife and their children. Fondly, ] She is spoilt as any prince and daring as the finest knights. [ with a wistful sigh, ] If she could have spent our girlhood on dragonback, never touching the ground to study or pray, she would have done.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-13 09:11 pm (UTC)[ He repeats back with awe, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his chin in his hands. Tim has learned already that her world is different from his own, but it sounds like a fairy tale, even still. Brave knights riding dragons, rebellious princesses, forbidden romance. It’s not a fantasy, clearly, Alicent and her feelings are real and right in front of him, but it’s so fantastical compared to his own more mundane version of it that he can’t help but be fascinated. ]
And she was allowed to do that, as a girl?
[ His sister wasn’t even allowed to ride horseback at summer camp. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-13 09:38 pm (UTC)As a princess, Tim. [ said much the same as keep up, teasing. Her voice lilts as she leans forward, giving into the story of it. Mayhaps that will make it easier to tell. She has never been able to speak of Rhaenyra with anyone before now. ] As a Targaryen — our most ancient and noble house, the blood of Old Valyria, of the dragons themselves — even the king could not stop her, though he oft tried.
[ He did not understand even then, she thinks, guided by his wife in his handling of her. ]
Against his orders, she once flew to face her mercurial uncle and his own beast, the red wyrm, bigger and faster than her she-dragon Syrax. [ Tall tales she once told her firstborn son, when she foolishly hoped he might love his half-sister as she did. ] I do not know how she averted battle, in truth. Mine own father failed to dissuade him from his position before her arrival.
[ Her throat bobs, suddenly thick with sentiment. ]
She — has a way about her.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-14 12:26 am (UTC)[ Smiling, not truly chastised. He tries to remember the names, all noble lines and far-off places he's never heard of, but wouldn't be mentioned were they not important. More striking, though, is the way Alicent talks about this woman, as if she were bragging, proud to be close to someone so daring, reckless or not. ]
Bold, and charismatic? [ They might have a similar type. ] You've known her since you were kids, right? Was she always like that?
cw: child/underage marriage
Date: 2024-09-14 06:17 am (UTC)My memories of her are all of our childhood. [ A gentle reminder. It is easy to forget, for those from worlds so different from hers. Yet she has not been able to banish Daniel’s outrage over her stolen girlhood from her mind. ]
I speak of a brave girl, who took to the skies in the early years of my marriage. [ Alicent averts her gaze, looking down but also not, for this stare has taken her elsewhere whenever she needed it. ]
We have tried for closeness over the years and sometimes found it, but never for long. [ aching, ] If I wounded her first, when her father took me to wife, we have traded blows ever since.
[ She digs the nails of one hand into the palm of the other. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-16 06:43 pm (UTC)[ Tim bites his tongue for a moment. He isn’t fully versed in the customs of Westeros, or in the details of Alicent’s relationship with her late husband, but he can only assume, based on what she’s said, and his general knowledge of medieval royalty – which is greater than average, he studied history – that marrying her real love’s father was out of her hands. He proceeds slowly, trying to be as tactful as possible. ]
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it doesn’t sound like your marriage was your own choice to make. I’m sure it hurt, but it wasn’t you inflicting the wound. You talk about her like hurting her is the last thing on your mind.
[ Nicer than he’s spoken of Hawk, in his fresh hurt and the bitterness that comes with it. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-17 04:06 pm (UTC)No, I suppose not. [ It’s taken her some time to realise that, after she willingly went to the King’s chambers and offered him comfort in his grief. She reaches out, hand brushing his in a show of appreciation for his tact and forgiveness, though she cannot accept the latter. ]
Back then, I was a pawn that my father and his liege Lord moved about the board. But my actions in the years that followed…I have knowingly undermined her at every turn. [ There are too many slights to recount, her viperous tongue slandering Rhaenyra and her bastard sons, the blood she herself took with a dagger in hand. She selects the greatest among them: ] It is I who crowned my son in our holy place, before the eyes of gods and men, when she had not even been told of her father’s passing. The war I spoke to you of — it is one for succession, and we now stand in the eye of it.
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Date: 2024-09-29 12:12 am (UTC)[ All sounds horribly complicated. It seems that Alicent has been forced to play more roles than any one person could ever manage successfully. Wife, mother, queen, friend, lover. Each with different priorities that are bound to contradict. He's faced these conflicts of identity himself, on a much smaller scale, and found it impossible to juggle it all. This was being simply in proximity to McCarthy's power, far from wielding it himself. Would he have been strong enough to always do the right thing, if he were just a little closer? ]
Sounds complicated. But you're the queen. Your husband and the father of your children newly passed. You had a duty to keep things running smoothly, while dealing with your grief at the same time. You did the best you could.
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Date: 2024-09-29 10:39 pm (UTC)I though my husband did the same — he spoke our firstborn Aegon’s name in his dying breaths and said he should be king, but… why he would waver in those final hours, I do not know.
[ he supported Rhaenyra’s claim in voice for years, if not in law. he never tried to change the rules of succession to favour women, despite espousing support for his daughter. a contradictory, ineffectual man. but kind. alicent knows that any man who takes her to wife for the second time will not be so generous with her. ]
It does not matter, in the end, who was right or wrong. We are at odds, regardless.
[ and only annihilation will win the day, her sons or Rhaenyra. ]
Thank you, Tim — for listening to our strange politics.
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Date: 2024-09-30 07:16 pm (UTC)[ No, it doesn't seem as though there are right or wrong answers in this scenario. It's difficult for Tim to wrap his head around, for it's only fairly recently that the world has revealed itself to be more than black and white. There was God's word, which was good, and there was everything else. It was childish of him to think that things might always be so simple as that, or to think that they ever were. ]
You're welcome. Thank you for sharing them with me. I'm not sure I understand completely, but I know it's been hard for you. I'm glad you're mostly free of it here.
[ At least for now. ]