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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[mygoodsir]

It would be any moment I am not occupied, Tim.

Yes, of course, my apologies. I am trying to work my way through 'classic' films. It is overwhelming, I admit.

I don't disbelieve you Tim. You are a very honest sort, so I would not accuse you of lying. I may be confused by it, but I believe you.
So you won't be cross at me for shaving, then?

[holyposition]

Like I said. Try me.

Tomorrow, I'll show you some of my favorites. From my time and beyond.

What are you shaving your head for?

[mygoodsir]

If you insist.

If I am able to withstand the emotional stress of them, that would be lovely.

Oh, no, not my head. My face.
You seemed to enjoy the idea of a proper beard so I felt I should start one evenly.

[holyposition]

We can start with something more light hearted. Maybe a musical.

Oh. Of course I won't be upset with you, it was my suggestion. As long as you're not doing it just for me.

[mygoodsir]

That sounds wonderful. I have greatly enjoyed thee music you've shown me.
And I've found more! From so many places. The Latin Americas, for example.

Would that be wrong? To do something to please you?

[holyposition]

That's good dancing music. I think you still owe me one.

They're my favorite. There's one found here that I love called Grease, it was made in the 70s about young people falling in love in the 50s. It's more dramatic than the truth, but it's wonderful.

No, as long as you like the change. I don't want to dictate your appearance.

[mygoodsir]

I believe you are right.

Oh, a love story. Yes, that would be quite welcome, I think.

I did not mean to imply that's what you were doing. I know you would never do such a thing. My apologies.
But I do wish to be presentable, so as not to shame you.

[holyposition]

There's a lot of great musicals. Anything with Gene Kelly. I'll pick out a few, we'll make a day of it.

I know, but you shouldn't change yourself to be what you think I want, either. I'm not ashamed of you. If you don't believe me, ask Koby.

[mygoodsir]

Oh, that would be marvelous.

I don't think you are ashamed, Tim. You are far too kind to be, I think.

All I mean to say is that a man like you is well matched by men like Mr. Fuller, or Mr. Toma. I'll not have anyone mock you on account of me if I can help it.

And I admit I was hoping you'd be pleased.

You've spoken to Koby about me? Oh dear, I am most sorry if I've caused reason for displeasure.

[holyposition]

I'm well matched by whomever I decide I'm well matched by. And that means you. Anyone who would mock me for believing that isn't someone whose opinion I should care very much about.

Sorry, I am pleased. I think it'll look good on you. You know what I'm getting at though, don't you?

Nothing bad. When I get excited I have to tell him everything.

...well, not the raunchy parts.

[mygoodsir]

Well, no. But it seems improper not to consider appearances.

That you hold no authority over me. I do know that, Tim. I was not trying to cast you as some tyrant. I only wished to please. I do apologise for my ignorance in matters regarding the customs of romance.

I'm not entirely certain what you'd have to tell. I'm not very exciting.

[holyposition]

What appearances are those? Appearing happy and enamored?

It's not that you make me sound like a tyrant. I just want you to do it because you want to. Not solely because you think I'll like it. Because I'll be happy either way 🥰

That I've found a sweet, patient, handsome, intelligent, and curious man who understands me, shares my values, seems to trust me unconditionally, and looks at me like I was sent here from heaven. And would do anything to please me, necessary or not. He makes me feel optimistic again for the first time in months.

It's very exciting.

[mygoodsir]

When you put it that way it does sound a little foolish to be concerned with social standing.

Oh, he sounds a lovely fellow. I should like to meet him.

(That is a joke, Tim.)

I must admit that it is sometimes difficult to reconcile your glowing praise with what I perceive as reality. I have always tried to be a Good Man, but I find that in moments of solitude I feel anything but. Too, I am unfamiliar with courtship in general and with a man most specifically. I desire to make you as happy as I can, but I fear I may make mistakes in my attempts. I've never been particularly good with people who aren't suffering some malady.

[holyposition]

I know it is! 😛

Yours is even more glowing, you know. It's overwhelming, sometimes. But I want to live up to it.

I make mistakes too, you know. And I think that's okay, as long as we haven't hurt each other on purpose, and we're open and honest with each other, as we have been. And, if I can be COMPLETELY honest? Our circumstances are so bizarre that most regular rules of courtship don't apply. Try to just think about me instead of what you "should" be doing. It's about me and you and nothing else.

[mygoodsir]

I never wish to overwhelm you.

Yes, in normal circumstances I suppose we'd not have this at all.

Tim, I think of you all the time. You've even infiltrated my dreams.

[holyposition]

It's not necessarily a bad thing. I guess I'm just used to men who are more...stoic.

Tell me about the dreams! 👀

[mygoodsir]

I apologise. I assure you I am capable of proper English comportment.

In one of the good ones, we've found a beach. There are palm trees, and blue waters. I admit that you were wearing very little in that one. And then nothing at all.

In many of the good ones, we are somewhere other than here. Often London or Edinburgh.

[holyposition]

I'm American, there's no need.

The one where you come back with me to California. We'd drink fruity drinks and get a little sunburned and collect seashells afterthe Saturday matinee. You'd better bring extra towels if you want to get my swimsuit off, though. There's some places I don't want sand.

I'd like to see England properly, instead of like this. Or Ireland. My family came from there around your time actually, during the famine. It's its own country, now.

[mygoodsir]

I do love your American accent, Tim. It's very charming.

That sounds so very perfect. I would bring a mountain of towels.

Tim, please do not be offended, but I admit due to your faith I had assumed you were of Irish descent. You know, the captain of our sister ship, The Terror, was an Irishman. He was a fine man, one I admired greatly. The last I saw him I still held hope that he would survive.

[holyposition]

I like yours, too.

I'm not offended. He must have been very good at what he does to climb the ranks like that as an Irishman. By my time, we're more or less assimilated, at least in America. But it wasn't like that for my grandparents.

...have you looked into it much yet? They might know more now than they did when I was in school.

[mygoodsir]

Thank you. If you like one of these days I shall imitate my father's for you.

Oh, he was. He did his very best by his men, I truly believe that.

No, I imagine it was not. But I am glad that such prejudices are less of a problem for you, personally.

I have in my possession a book from the library, on naval disasters. There is a chapter entitled "Franklin's Lost Expedition." I cannot seem to muster the will to read it. I know it is incredibly cowardly of me.

"Lost." I think that may say it all.

Forgive me, I do not mean to go morbing on about it. Please know that I am supremely grateful to be here, now.

[holyposition]

Yeah? You want to be my daddy, Harry?

I don't think it's cowardly. It feels uncomfortable reading about your life in a history book. I'm not notable enough to be there by name, but my boss is pretty infamous. It's tough even though my office didn't have as tragic of an ending.

I could read it first, if you want. I could judge how sensitive it is. Or try, at least. But it was the last few years of your life, it's fair to think about it. Even if it's morbid. You can talk to me about anything.

[mygoodsir]

I meant because he's from Fife, but now that you mention it...

You make a good point as always. But it feels cowardly all the same.

I would not ask that of you. You do so much for me already. I try not to dwell on it, and I manage not to for the most part. I have my research to distract myself with, and films. But sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with terrible thoughts.

I dream of it often. Sometimes you are there. Those may be the worst.

[holyposition]

If it's all the same to you, I'd rather not think of your father too much when I'm trying to flirt with you.

Okay. Just know that if you do ever want to talk about it, I’m here. It’s no burden to me. What you went through was long and terrible, I don’t think anyone would expect you to get over it in just six weeks.

What do you dream about when I’m there?

[mygoodsir]

Nor would I, actually.

Thank you. But it feels like I should have left it behind.

Oh, Tim. Such terrible things. Sometimes we are on the ice, and I know we are being stalked and I know I can do nothing to protect you. Other times you are with me in the tent and you are ill, and I am trying to hide you so that you won't be killed because you can no longer haul. I keep looking for anything to hide you behind or under but there is nothing and I can hear footsteps on the shale.

I do not sleep after such dreams, not without aid.