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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[mygoodsir]

I pray you are never left alone.

I understand. But he did the best he could, I am certain. And although you are no longer joined, I am likewise certain he brought you comfort.

[holyposition]

I dropped my phone and I couldn't get to it because the pain in my feet was so bad. If he hadn't come running I would have been alone for all of it.

he did. It's helpful when someone's talking, I can focus on that instead of the pain.

[mygoodsir]

My poor darling.

Yes, I imagine it does.

He is a good man, you know.

[holyposition]

I know he tries to be.

[mygoodsir]

He's a man. None of us are perfect. But I do believe his heart is good.

[holyposition]

I know. I don't hate him. But he's trying to promise me all these things and I'm afraid they'll just be empty again.

[mygoodsir]

What is he promising?

[holyposition]

Oh, you know. The usual. He's gonna change, he's gonna stop being so selfish, he's gonna consider my feelings, take me home to meet his mother, get a divorce. Everything he thinks I want to hear.

[mygoodsir]

You don't believe any of it?

[holyposition]

I believe that he believes it. But I've heard it all before.

[mygoodsir]

Yes. You have.

What do you want most, Tim?

[holyposition]

That's a really broad question.

[mygoodsir]

I suppose it is.

Alright, what do you want most from this situation? To be left alone? To be friends? To see him actually reformed?

[holyposition]

I'd want him to better himself regardless of our relationship.

Even if he does, there's nothing left for us back home. He's already married. I don't want him to get a divorce and run away with us and ruin that woman's life.

[mygoodsir]

Do you think about going home often?

[holyposition]

I was in the first group of arrivals. I've seen so many people come and go. There’s probably less than twenty of us who have been here so long.

I don't know why I'm a permanent fixture. But every time someone I know disappears, I wonder if my time is next. I don't want it to be. At least not the way it is, disappearing without a trace. But I do want to find a way back. I want you to be saved, I want to get started on the work that needs to be done.

I guess I do. Yeah. I understand why you don't. obviously. But I'm ready to have a normal life again.

[mygoodsir]

[Harry, who cannot find it in himself to truly believe he'd be allowed to leave with Tim, despairs. But quietly. Alone.]

There is an awful lot of work to do, it's true.

[holyposition]

[ He knows Harry is skeptical of their chances, but he has to either have faith, or start mourning now, and the latter is unthinkable. If there is any mercy in this place at all, he'll find it. ]

When I was back there, I thought once I got home I'd apply for a job with the refugee office and help people rebuild. I could do that for people I've met here, who can't go back to their own homes.

I'd like to do work that matters. I have fun at dead men, but I'm not changing the world mixing rum and cokes.

[mygoodsir]

That would be good work indeed. People need such help, and I can say firsthand that you are good at giving it. I would not be the man I am now if not for you.

I understand. It is different when you can touch the lives of others.

[holyposition]

You really think you're that different from when you arrived here?

I could do that for a couple years, until people are settled. and then California.

[mygoodsir]

I was lost when I arrived, Tim. It was a struggle every day to remember that people are good.

To fight for acceptance.

[holyposition]

You give me too much credit. But it's very romantic, so I'll let it slide.

Yeah. We could stay in New York, if you take to it. But it would be nice to be warm for a change, don't you think?

[mygoodsir]

I really don't. You and Koby especially were quite instrumental in my early days.

I would love to be warm. To wake up to the Pacific every day. With you.

[holyposition]

I know you had a lot weighing on you, but you always seemed happy to see me, at least.

I'd be grateful to wake up next to you anywhere. But near the beach would be the cherry on top, wouldn't it?

[mygoodsir]

It was difficult not to be happy around you.

Oh, yes. We could walk along the shore after coffee.

Tim, have you ever seen the shell of the abalone?