[ The dots bounce around on screen for a moment longer than normal. ]
Do you want to be?
[ He's told him about how his early experiences were Aegon's choice instead of his, so Tim's careful, unwilling to impress anything on him. The ball has to be in his court. He's fond of him, despite all of his sharp edges, or perhaps because of them, some silly notion that he might be able to wear them down if he himself is soft enough. He's not naive enough to think that accepting that title will be an easy thing to do, but...maybe. If he wants it. They're bonded now, through fire and death. ]
I can't offer you fidelity either. Would that bother you?
Would that not offend your Hawk? That he should not be enough for your satisfaction?
[ fidelity. what does it even matter? some days, awful as the thought is, aemond thinks he would've liked it if viserys had been adulterous; it would have given him more reason to hate him, a more outward reason than just his glaring neglect. he was an unattentive husband to alicent at worse, but he had been — almost kind. almost beneficient.
almost fatherly to the second wife he made carry four pregnancies within five years, only to ignore both her struggles as a mother and the children themselves. ]
I cannot promise you more than I already give you.
It might, honestly. But we both have other people that we’re seeing, and we’re honest about it. I can’t commit to him fully right now, and he knows why.
But it is a commitment to me. If not for fidelity, then trust, honesty, support, and affection. I would need all of that. And a straight answer.
[ a straight answer. of all the things tim is asking, this is perhaps the tallest order of them all. ]
You don't have to extract a promise from me for these matters. I give you my honesty. I give you my trust. I give you my hands, for so long as you can accept that my family will always come first. And I give you my affection, when perhaps I should try to resist it.
You are a committed man, after all.
I will not be Hawk. I do not want to be. I will only be myself, if you'll have me.
It's different than with Pierce because I'm her friend. She was furious and hurt, and rightfully so, when I didn't tell her what I knew about Embry. I've kept your business private, but I don't like sneaking around.
It doesn't need to be right away, but once we're comfortable. I'm past the point in my life where I'm willing to be a dirty little secret.
It's still you, brother mine, though I have an appreciation for it now.
If you feel it required, you should tell her. You do not need my permission for it, when you are as involved as I. We don't do very well with secrets, either, my family and I. We tend to take them very personally.
He does, he's my brother and my king. He takes liberties I would not otherwise allow.
It will be fine. I would rather you didn't tell him directly, but if he learns of it, then he learns of it. He's like to have done worse than I have, regarding the matters of carnal desire.
Remember that you saw me being involved with mine own uncle in ways most uncles do not engage with their nephews. Or that my sister is also my goodsister, and shares children with my brother own.
[ is the incest getting diluted? should he play for baela's attentions now, too? ]
I'm in my room. I've put up some of the gifts I have received of late. You might like one of them, come to think of it. Put names to faces.
[ soon is sooner than aemond was thinking, and when he turns to meet tim, there is a slow warmth that rises from him. he catches tim on the approach, a hand coming up to cradle tim's cheek. ]
[ Tim leans the whole of his head into Aemond's hand, a soft, cat-like nuzzle before he turns and presses a kiss to his palm. This gentleness suits him, Tim thinks, even if he thinks to settle him the same way he might a horse, or rather a dragon. Is that not, at least subconsciously, the highest mark of fondness that Aemond could give?
He puts his hand over the one on his cheek and shuffles forward, uses his other to tuck a stray bit of silver hair behind Aemond's ear, stroking the shell with his thumb. Before he's asked, but he assumes permission now, to lean in and kiss him. This too is soft and sweet, warm without the urgency of pushing it any further than a kiss. Warmth doesn't so much rise within Tim as it is his natural state, spilling outwards in search of someone to share it with and drawn especially to Aemond, who knows it only in the extreme of blazing fires. ]
This is what you want?
[ Stubborn devotion, needy affection, a nagging angel on his shoulder. ]
[ it's almost tender, the way tim leans into him and presses their mouths together. tender in a way that aemond knows he would run from, but he doesn't run now — why? why doesn't the panic rise in him this time? why does he find himself rooted in place, welcoming the softness, welcoming the warmth of tim's mouth on his, the touch of their tongues against the other's own?
tim tastes like mint leaves and coffee and sweat; he tastes like himself, and his skin is warm against aemond's fingertips, and he is here.
he chose to be here, tim of the lakes. ]
I want this from you. Kesīros ao jaelan, ñuha valonqar.
You understand what this will mean, don't you? You are choosing me, too.
[ His kisses are slow, between words and smiles, some of them open, seeking Aemond's tongue with his own, all in the service of knowing him better, claiming a part of him as his, and giving that up in turn. Tim hums softly into it, his hand running through his hair and brushing against the eyepatch - not purposely, but simply because it's there, all around his head. ]
I know.
[ Alicent will be furious, he knows. Koby will think he's lost his mind. Hawk might actually be the least of his problems, here. ]
I could have brushed it off as a one-time thing, or a mistake. I'm choosing not to. And I'm not taking that lightly.
Good. A dragon protects it hoard. You shouldn't take that lightly if you mean to live in its fire.
[ he lingers — or perhaps the better word is nuzzles, running the tip of his nose along the bridge of tim's own. lean, callused fingers trace over the rising slope of tim's cheeks, slipping light over the bone, along the brow, mapping out the shapes that make up his face.
touch is a luxury, back home, and tim has given him freedom to drown. ]
Oh yeah? Am I your hoard now? Some kind of treasure?
[ Tim laughs softly, grinning as if to tease, but it feels good to be thought of that way, to be protected without being treated like he’s fragile, to know that he won’t hesitate to bite on his behalf but also that he’s eager to arm him with the ability to protect himself. It’s a different beast, something practical rather than sentimental, but he’s come to learn that it’s how Aemond shows his care, by finding solutions and taking action. The frightening chaos of the last couple months has needed more than gentle words and warm hugs to overcome – had he felt better the entire time than when they burned down his old room together? Not until Hawk’s return from the dead, and again now, as Tim gives him the gift of languid indulgence. ]
No. [ Shaking his head, slowly as to not brush off Aemond’s hands. ] The intimate details belong to us.
[ this is easy — nearly too easy, and aemond is not trying to destroy the moment, he truly isn't, but.
there's a word to despise. but. there are matters that cannot be ignored. matters that aemond himself knows he cannot set aside, not if he means to promise trust and not be a liar about it. tim gives himself and often; he does not mean it as an insult. touch is easy with him. aemond would envy it if he didn't think it dangerous for them both, dangerous for tim and the men he entertains in his bed — that vulnerability, that intimacy, that exposure.
he could be hurt with a simple touch, and he would have welcomed it.
aemond kisses the corner of tim's mouth, and it tastes like a warning. ]
There are parts of me that I cannot give you. Acts I cannot share with you. Will you hear me?
[ Tim pulls back, only a little, enough to look him in the eye, searching, without a clue what this might be about. They’ve participated already in the most intimate and sacred of acts. His coming here, and Aemond inviting him to, is a promise of more to come, a declaration of mutual desire. So, what then, besides his duty to his family, which has been made clear and accepted a dozen times over?
He shifts slowly, to move towards the bed and have a seat, taking Aemond’s hand so that he might urge him to join. ]
Tell me.
[ He wants to know everything, and share everything in return. It’s gotten him in trouble before, leaving himself too open, allowing himself to be known and vulnerable by those who would rather remain a mystery. Whether Aemond realizes it or not, he’s shared plenty for the brief months they’ve known each other. He is no mystery to Tim, the shape of the puzzle pieces are known, if not their precise colors. ]
[ tim is seated on the bed, looking up at aemond, and there is—— a desire to press fingers to his mouth, to push the fingertips against the sharp of the teeth and see if he might bleed. morbid is the thought; aemond's blood sticking to the gums, coating the tongue, staining the white for as long as tim could stand it.
desire has never been a soft and gentle thing, for aemond. it has always burned, it has always scorched the earth, it has always been painful and unwieldy and hideous. it is the way of the dragon to never sooth, to never ease; it takes and it devours and it conquers until there is nothing else left but the earth and whatever remains surviving.
but tim isn't a kingdom. tim isn't gold, isn't sea and salt, isn't a lord's daughter laid naked at the feet of a conquest. tim is a friend. his friend own, and one dear to aemond more than he thinks he can admit in the light of day.
rather than sit next to tim, aemond chooses to sit at his feet, so that he might rest his head on tim's lap instead. not yet, but soon - for now he folds on the carpeted floor and continues to hold tim's hand, pressing the knuckles to his mouth before he speaks again. ]
I've told you before, haven't I? That Aegon took me to a whorehouse when I was three and ten. He meant it as a gift to me. To teach me of the things men do, and should do.
[ Aemond, kneeling, for anyone but a king. He never thought he'd see the day, and certainly would never have thought to ask him to. That it happens at all is...scary, almost, a curtain pulled back so quickly that it almost startles. It's different, from when the prince kisses the maiden's hand in the fairy tales. Vulnerable, fraught, and miles away from happily ever after for anyone. Tim swallows, unsure still of where this is going, but looks down at him as warmly as he has this entire time. ]
I remember.
[ Vividly. Early on, during the first round of the werewolf game when Tim was still getting the measure of him, before he became a regular and necessary presence and a friend, rather than just Alicent's son. The way he'd told it, as if these kinds of things just happen - family is grief and offense and torment - had stuck with him, burrowed into his brain and poisoned him against Aegon before he ever arrived. ]
It was wrong, what happened. You deserved to have your own choice. Especially that young. But I'm not sure I-- did I do something to upset you yesterday, when we...?
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:50 pm (UTC)Do you want to be?
[ He's told him about how his early experiences were Aegon's choice instead of his, so Tim's careful, unwilling to impress anything on him. The ball has to be in his court. He's fond of him, despite all of his sharp edges, or perhaps because of them, some silly notion that he might be able to wear them down if he himself is soft enough. He's not naive enough to think that accepting that title will be an easy thing to do, but...maybe. If he wants it. They're bonded now, through fire and death. ]
I can't offer you fidelity either. Would that bother you?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:59 pm (UTC)[ fidelity. what does it even matter? some days, awful as the thought is, aemond thinks he would've liked it if viserys had been adulterous; it would have given him more reason to hate him, a more outward reason than just his glaring neglect. he was an unattentive husband to alicent at worse, but he had been — almost kind. almost beneficient.
almost fatherly to the second wife he made carry four pregnancies within five years, only to ignore both her struggles as a mother and the children themselves. ]
I cannot promise you more than I already give you.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 07:51 pm (UTC)But it is a commitment to me. If not for fidelity, then trust, honesty, support, and affection. I would need all of that. And a straight answer.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 08:07 pm (UTC)You don't have to extract a promise from me for these matters. I give you my honesty. I give you my trust. I give you my hands, for so long as you can accept that my family will always come first. And I give you my affection, when perhaps I should try to resist it.
You are a committed man, after all.
I will not be Hawk. I do not want to be. I will only be myself, if you'll have me.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 08:35 pm (UTC)Speaking of your family. I don't want to lie to your mother, but I don't think she'll like it.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 08:39 pm (UTC)Remind me to bite you harder, next time.
Must she know, truly?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 09:07 pm (UTC)It's different than with Pierce because I'm her friend. She was furious and hurt, and rightfully so, when I didn't tell her what I knew about Embry. I've kept your business private, but I don't like sneaking around.
It doesn't need to be right away, but once we're comfortable. I'm past the point in my life where I'm willing to be a dirty little secret.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 11:41 pm (UTC)If you feel it required, you should tell her. You do not need my permission for it, when you are as involved as I. We don't do very well with secrets, either, my family and I. We tend to take them very personally.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:05 am (UTC)And Aegon? You made it seem he gets his kicks from humiliating you.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:08 am (UTC)It will be fine. I would rather you didn't tell him directly, but if he learns of it, then he learns of it. He's like to have done worse than I have, regarding the matters of carnal desire.
He's the father between the two of us, after all.
[ as for the biting — ]
I don't get even a little allowance?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:15 am (UTC)But that's fine. I barely know him, I don't feel obligated.
You can have a little. No blood. And nowhere that'll make my training any harder if it's sore.
Where are you now?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:19 am (UTC)[ is the incest getting diluted? should he play for baela's attentions now, too? ]
I'm in my room. I've put up some of the gifts I have received of late. You might like one of them, come to think of it. Put names to faces.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:23 am (UTC)Give me 15. Where I'm from, we seal these things with a kiss. And then I'd be happy to see it.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:30 am (UTC)A kiss for me. Am I being threatened with affections now?
The door is open for you always.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:59 am (UTC)[ He said fifteen, but he's there in ten, letting himself in with a curious grin, as if somehow he's sneaking in, despite being explicitly invited. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 11:01 am (UTC)Easy now, easy. There you are.
Hello, Tim.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 07:47 pm (UTC)[ Tim leans the whole of his head into Aemond's hand, a soft, cat-like nuzzle before he turns and presses a kiss to his palm. This gentleness suits him, Tim thinks, even if he thinks to settle him the same way he might a horse, or rather a dragon. Is that not, at least subconsciously, the highest mark of fondness that Aemond could give?
He puts his hand over the one on his cheek and shuffles forward, uses his other to tuck a stray bit of silver hair behind Aemond's ear, stroking the shell with his thumb. Before he's asked, but he assumes permission now, to lean in and kiss him. This too is soft and sweet, warm without the urgency of pushing it any further than a kiss. Warmth doesn't so much rise within Tim as it is his natural state, spilling outwards in search of someone to share it with and drawn especially to Aemond, who knows it only in the extreme of blazing fires. ]
This is what you want?
[ Stubborn devotion, needy affection, a nagging angel on his shoulder. ]
I want to hear it from your lips, valonqar.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-22 01:01 am (UTC)tim tastes like mint leaves and coffee and sweat; he tastes like himself, and his skin is warm against aemond's fingertips, and he is here.
he chose to be here, tim of the lakes. ]
I want this from you. Kesīros ao jaelan, ñuha valonqar.
You understand what this will mean, don't you? You are choosing me, too.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-22 02:48 am (UTC)[ His kisses are slow, between words and smiles, some of them open, seeking Aemond's tongue with his own, all in the service of knowing him better, claiming a part of him as his, and giving that up in turn. Tim hums softly into it, his hand running through his hair and brushing against the eyepatch - not purposely, but simply because it's there, all around his head. ]
I know.
[ Alicent will be furious, he knows. Koby will think he's lost his mind. Hawk might actually be the least of his problems, here. ]
I could have brushed it off as a one-time thing, or a mistake. I'm choosing not to. And I'm not taking that lightly.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-22 06:38 am (UTC)[ he lingers — or perhaps the better word is nuzzles, running the tip of his nose along the bridge of tim's own. lean, callused fingers trace over the rising slope of tim's cheeks, slipping light over the bone, along the brow, mapping out the shapes that make up his face.
touch is a luxury, back home, and tim has given him freedom to drown. ]
Will you tell Mother this, too?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-22 05:27 pm (UTC)[ Tim laughs softly, grinning as if to tease, but it feels good to be thought of that way, to be protected without being treated like he’s fragile, to know that he won’t hesitate to bite on his behalf but also that he’s eager to arm him with the ability to protect himself. It’s a different beast, something practical rather than sentimental, but he’s come to learn that it’s how Aemond shows his care, by finding solutions and taking action. The frightening chaos of the last couple months has needed more than gentle words and warm hugs to overcome – had he felt better the entire time than when they burned down his old room together? Not until Hawk’s return from the dead, and again now, as Tim gives him the gift of languid indulgence. ]
No. [ Shaking his head, slowly as to not brush off Aemond’s hands. ] The intimate details belong to us.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-22 05:57 pm (UTC)[ this is easy — nearly too easy, and aemond is not trying to destroy the moment, he truly isn't, but.
there's a word to despise. but. there are matters that cannot be ignored. matters that aemond himself knows he cannot set aside, not if he means to promise trust and not be a liar about it. tim gives himself and often; he does not mean it as an insult. touch is easy with him. aemond would envy it if he didn't think it dangerous for them both, dangerous for tim and the men he entertains in his bed — that vulnerability, that intimacy, that exposure.
he could be hurt with a simple touch, and he would have welcomed it.
aemond kisses the corner of tim's mouth, and it tastes like a warning. ]
There are parts of me that I cannot give you. Acts I cannot share with you. Will you hear me?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-22 07:06 pm (UTC)[ Tim pulls back, only a little, enough to look him in the eye, searching, without a clue what this might be about. They’ve participated already in the most intimate and sacred of acts. His coming here, and Aemond inviting him to, is a promise of more to come, a declaration of mutual desire. So, what then, besides his duty to his family, which has been made clear and accepted a dozen times over?
He shifts slowly, to move towards the bed and have a seat, taking Aemond’s hand so that he might urge him to join. ]
Tell me.
[ He wants to know everything, and share everything in return. It’s gotten him in trouble before, leaving himself too open, allowing himself to be known and vulnerable by those who would rather remain a mystery. Whether Aemond realizes it or not, he’s shared plenty for the brief months they’ve known each other. He is no mystery to Tim, the shape of the puzzle pieces are known, if not their precise colors. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-11-24 02:50 am (UTC)desire has never been a soft and gentle thing, for aemond. it has always burned, it has always scorched the earth, it has always been painful and unwieldy and hideous. it is the way of the dragon to never sooth, to never ease; it takes and it devours and it conquers until there is nothing else left but the earth and whatever remains surviving.
but tim isn't a kingdom. tim isn't gold, isn't sea and salt, isn't a lord's daughter laid naked at the feet of a conquest. tim is a friend. his friend own, and one dear to aemond more than he thinks he can admit in the light of day.
rather than sit next to tim, aemond chooses to sit at his feet, so that he might rest his head on tim's lap instead. not yet, but soon - for now he folds on the carpeted floor and continues to hold tim's hand, pressing the knuckles to his mouth before he speaks again. ]
I've told you before, haven't I? That Aegon took me to a whorehouse when I was three and ten. He meant it as a gift to me. To teach me of the things men do, and should do.
I did not like it.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-24 04:41 am (UTC)I remember.
[ Vividly. Early on, during the first round of the werewolf game when Tim was still getting the measure of him, before he became a regular and necessary presence and a friend, rather than just Alicent's son. The way he'd told it, as if these kinds of things just happen - family is grief and offense and torment - had stuck with him, burrowed into his brain and poisoned him against Aegon before he ever arrived. ]
It was wrong, what happened. You deserved to have your own choice. Especially that young. But I'm not sure I-- did I do something to upset you yesterday, when we...?
cw: mentions of csa, prostitution, downplaying trauma
From:(no subject)
From:cw: mentions of csa, derogatory language to sex workers, downplaying trauma
From:cws continued let's just assume so all the way down
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: