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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[holyposition]

That this is what happens when I get involved with him. The pain is made literal.

[mygoodsir]

I think we should be wary of assigning higher meaning to it, Tim.

[holyposition]

I don't think the consequences we receive are meaningless. It's gotten to be too many times for a coincidence.

[mygoodsir]

On that we do agree. What I believe is that the emotional distress he causes triggers the curse. If it were not him, it would likely be something else upsetting to do it.

[holyposition]

You think if I don't get upset, I can skip it this month?

[mygoodsir]

I don't know.

[holyposition]

I doubt that's possible anyway.

[mygoodsir]

Probably not, no.

I am glad he helped you through it. Truly.

[holyposition]

It's scarier when I'm alone.

but I didn't trust him with the drugs, so it was rough.

...not because I think he'd hurt me. just because he's not an expert.

[mygoodsir]

I pray you are never left alone.

I understand. But he did the best he could, I am certain. And although you are no longer joined, I am likewise certain he brought you comfort.

[holyposition]

I dropped my phone and I couldn't get to it because the pain in my feet was so bad. If he hadn't come running I would have been alone for all of it.

he did. It's helpful when someone's talking, I can focus on that instead of the pain.

[mygoodsir]

My poor darling.

Yes, I imagine it does.

He is a good man, you know.

[holyposition]

I know he tries to be.

[mygoodsir]

He's a man. None of us are perfect. But I do believe his heart is good.

[holyposition]

I know. I don't hate him. But he's trying to promise me all these things and I'm afraid they'll just be empty again.

[mygoodsir]

What is he promising?

[holyposition]

Oh, you know. The usual. He's gonna change, he's gonna stop being so selfish, he's gonna consider my feelings, take me home to meet his mother, get a divorce. Everything he thinks I want to hear.

[mygoodsir]

You don't believe any of it?

[holyposition]

I believe that he believes it. But I've heard it all before.

[mygoodsir]

Yes. You have.

What do you want most, Tim?

[holyposition]

That's a really broad question.

[mygoodsir]

I suppose it is.

Alright, what do you want most from this situation? To be left alone? To be friends? To see him actually reformed?

[holyposition]

I'd want him to better himself regardless of our relationship.

Even if he does, there's nothing left for us back home. He's already married. I don't want him to get a divorce and run away with us and ruin that woman's life.

[mygoodsir]

Do you think about going home often?

[holyposition]

I was in the first group of arrivals. I've seen so many people come and go. There’s probably less than twenty of us who have been here so long.

I don't know why I'm a permanent fixture. But every time someone I know disappears, I wonder if my time is next. I don't want it to be. At least not the way it is, disappearing without a trace. But I do want to find a way back. I want you to be saved, I want to get started on the work that needs to be done.

I guess I do. Yeah. I understand why you don't. obviously. But I'm ready to have a normal life again.