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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[homosexuals]

Did you want me to spell it out, Skip?

I mean - I can, it's just. Usually more fun when we get right to it.

I'd like to whisk you away for a bit.

[holyposition]

It's still early, something more concrete could still come up. You'll have to forgive me if I'm not sold on vague promises yet.

[homosexuals]

What the hell does that mean? What're you expecting that's concrete?

Fine, I'll rephrase.

I'd like to skip dessert and meet you in the library for a rendezvous of a physical nature - probably somewhere between the romance aisle and the biographies.

Don't worry, I'll clean up after so Koby won't scold us.

[holyposition]

I told you I was seeing other people. I've been on dates. To places I could be seen, even.

Why the library? I thought you liked the noise.

[homosexuals]

Yeah, I got that.

And I do. But you like the library - and you like when I stuff you on both ends.

[maybe he also has an ulterior motive of showing tim some of the shit he's been working on after the fact as a gesture of good faith, but he's not typing that out.]

[holyposition]

Don't act surprised then.

I do...but in public?

[homosexuals]

Not surprised. Just - you said no one else does it like I do.

Only public if we get caught. Besides, I'm sure those dusty pages have seen far worse either way.

Well, I'm up for it if you are.

[holyposition]

That was a while ago.

The days of worrying about getting caught with you are gone, Hawk. I know you mean it as a fun, flirty thing, but it feels like a step backwards. I don't like it.

[homosexuals]

Who is it, then?

Ah shit, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.

Does it change anything if I tell you I don’t care about getting caught? Because - I really don’t.

…I had another reason. But I’d rather tell you in person. It’s mostly PG rated, and it’s definitely involving those dusty pages.

[holyposition]

[ ...maybe he should cut him some slack. He's not trying to be petty, or angry, he's just not used to actually trying to protect his heart. Which is exactly his problem. ]

It's not anyone
I just mean, you can't leave me for months at a time and assume that things will be the same when you get back.

And sometimes not like you is a good thing.
just for trying something new, i mean.
I don't know what I want anymore and I'm not going to find out if I keep doing the same things I always do. Does that make sense to you?

Living honesty isn't the same as exhibitionism Hawk. But if you want me to meet you in the library with my clothes on, I will.

[homosexuals]

I'm not - of course I don't think that. Would be pretty goddamn insulting to you, and that's the last thing I wanna do. I'm not gonna pretend I'm happy about it, though.

Yeah. I guess it does. What kind of "new things" are you wanting to try? You're not...you don't have to do them with strangers, you know. I can try too. I want to try.

Clothes on. You're the boss. After dessert then?

[holyposition]

I know. I'm not asking you to. Just to not be mad.

It's not all sex related. Some of it, but that's not the important thing. And I'm not hooking up with strangers.
Well, once. At Otherworld, right after you left. I was upset, and it was a mistake.
Getting to know people from different places, with different experiences I couldn't even dream of, has been good for me.

After dessert. We can take it to go, just don't leave any crumbs in the library.

[homosexuals]

I'm not mad. Not at you, anyway. Myself, sure, maybe.

I know - christ, I wasn't saying that either. Look, can you believe me when I tell you it's not all about sex anymore? It hasn't been for a long time.

But - I'm glad. If it's good.

C'mon Skippy, I wasn't raised in a barn. Clean as a whistle.

[holyposition]

Don't worry, I know it's not.

You really want to know? I don't want you to be jealous and take it out on anyone.

[ Hawk is sexy when he's all riled up like that, but the people he's 'seeing' - as in, more than once, more significant than the mistakes he makes when he's upset or the things the manor finds a way to force him into - don't deserve the hassle. ]

[homosexuals]

Not really. But c'mon - don't act like I'm going to make a scene or sock someone in the face about it.

That's not my style.

[fucking tim raw and claiming him every other which way, on the other hand...]

[holyposition]

I know you won't attack anyone. But I still remember that first Otherworld party.

...you were right, by the way. Luci's crazy.

[homosexuals]

...That was different.

Imagine that.

...What happened? Did he do something to you?

[holyposition]

No it wasn't.

No, he didn't do anything. But he thinks he's the actual devil. He’s sick in the head.

[homosexuals]

Yes it was.

At this rate, maybe he is. Wolfmen, vampires, demons...what else can they throw at us?

[holyposition]

Unless he's secretly in charge of this whole thing, I don't think so.

I know you. Seeing someone grab my ass got you to make a scene, I can only imagine where you'll drag me if you see me with someone you know I've slept with.

[homosexuals]

If they're making you happy...

And doing it better than me, I wouldn't take that away from you.

[holyposition]

It's too early to know.

I don't know if it's better. Easier, maybe. You make things more complicated than they should be.

[homosexuals]

I'm not - it's not on purpose. How can it be that easy after everything we've been through?

[holyposition]

I know. Even the most perfect man alive wouldn't have our history. For better or for worse.

I want you to know I'm not looking for a replacement for you. That won't be possible. But if there are things I need that you still can't give me, I have to at least consider it.

[homosexuals]

I want to be the one to give them to you. To prove I can.

Do what you need to. Just - don't write me off. It's a lot to ask, and you'd be right to tell me to fuck right off and say no, but I'm asking anyway.