holyposition | IC Inbox

He's plotting something that he didn't tell me about. Which is very normal for him. It's been a year and I can still count the things I know for sure on my fingers.

You think he wants people to think he's dead? What purpose would that serve? It just makes your crew look vulnerable, with their doctor gone.

It does. But it removes him from the playing field so nobody considers him. Let's him do things without observation. Maybe that's what he wants? He's not very forthcoming, with me.

[Is Koby hurt about that? A bit. But he knows Tim understands that, at least.]

[ He understands it very well. He doesn't like it. ]

If he's faking his own death without telling you...I don't know, Koby. He’s got to have something really big planned to be worth all thst grief, but hes already been found out by the doctors.

[ I mean...Hawk wouldn't even do that. Probably. ]

It's complicated. He's left enough clues for me to figure it out, if I tried hard. And he's not Excellent at being open. For good reason, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. Luffy's a mess about it. He idolizes Shanks.

Well, it backfired. Now everyone's considering him, since the body isn't really is. Where would he have gone?

He should have told you.

[ Completely out of patience for this type of thing, if you can believe it... ]

It wasn't one of his better ideas, no. It's okay. I'll yell at him when he gets back and he'll laugh and it'll be fine. It'll all be fine.

[Tim getting mad on his behalf, though...sweet.]

I'll yell at him for you.

[Again, making him laugh for the first time all week.]

If you want to, who am I to say no? It might even be fun. He likes getting yelled at.

...not too much, I hope? I'm juggling a lot right now.

A fair amount. But it depends who's yelling. Oh? Are you? Elaborate on that.

I really shouldn't be going on about my...I don't know what you'd call it, dating life? There are people dying.

Let's say you're doing it as a friend. To distract me so my head doesn't explode. That's a very altruistic reason to talk about your dating life, I think.

okay, fine.

I hit it off with Harry last month, while Hawk was gone. We went out on a couple dates and he made me a protection charm, and let me watch while he explained it all, which probably made it take a lot longer, but he was sweet about it. It’s been...slower. Meaning we haven’t been intimate, but I like that. I tend to throw myself into things completely without using my head, so it’s a good change to be sure first. I feel really good about it. And him.

But Hawk’s back now, and he’s different, in a good way, but I don’t know if that’s real or it’s just the situation we’re in right now, where if he doesn’t tell me what’s going on we could all actually die. He’s reliable right now but I don’t know if he’ll stay that way. We didn’t have time to see where we were before Embry was killed

He was fucking Embry, by the way. Which I didn’t know until I was scrubbing his blood off the altar.

I’m not upset he did it, it’s not like I was celibate when he was gone. But he knows who I’m with. Why shouldn’t I get the same courtesy?

I told him when he came back that I can’t commit to him again when I don’t know if I can trust him, and I need time to figure out what it is I really want. I had him stay in the other room, and then all of this started and we’re sharing a bed again and he saved my life, and between us it’s good, even with everything else falling apart. But this will end, and I don’t know where we’ll be, and I don’t want to give up on Harry or hurt Hawk or abandon Quentin (what happened with those two??) - I just need to stand my ground and give myself time. But it feels selfish.

I think that’s most of it. Sorry, that was more vomiting out my feelings than fun gossip

I don't mind you vomiting out your feelings, Tim. That's what friends do. And it seems like that's been building for a while, which...makes sense. We've all been distracted. But I think you're right to ask for time. I don't think that's selfish at all. You're allowed to ask for that, especially with Everything. Hawk and I got into a fight, during the last round and Quentin stood up for me. That's probably...why the tension.

it feels that way. I've never dated anyone for real, much less multiple people. I know I told you, where we're from you're not supposed to be seeing more than one. Not with any kind of seriousness. I know you and Quentin make it work just fine, but I don't know if I'm built for that.

that's why I need time to figure things out. I think he understands but he's still hurt by it.

I told him we worked it out. You and Usopp were right about Louis, anyway. I'll talk to him.

figures that finally showed up to defend me and ended up fighting with everyone else in my life. Of course. He got into it with Harry too.

It comes easier to some people than others, even from my world. I don't know, maybe it's inherent? Or maybe it just takes time. I'm not an expert. Either way, I think you should be able to take as much time as you want, to sort it out. You don't need to talk to him. He's not going to apologize and I've resigned myself to that. He probably doesn't even realize how much what he said hurt. Or maybe he does. I don't know. It doesn't matter.

It does matter. I don't want to be with someone who's cruel to my friends.

It doesn't matter, Tim. There are bigger things to worry about, really, and you need all possible support right now. It's nothing I hadn't heard a million times before.

It still matters. Even if I don't do anything about it today. He came at you "for my sake" without asking me how I felt about it. If he had, I would have told him to handle it privately instead of talking down to you in front of everyone.

[There's a pause, a beat where Koby doesn't respond, because to say too much would unfold how Hawk's words -- thoughtless, he's sure, he's sure he hadn't meant them the same way, but they'd hit every weak point Koby has -- have lingered. How much it still hurts.]

I wish he'd done that. I think Quentin saw me and just stepped in. It was very dashing, but I didn't want to cause problems for you.

You're not the one starting fights, it wouldn't be you causing problems.

I'm sorry, still. Did he look good doing it, at least? I kind of liked having hawk fighting for me, when it wasn't you guys.

Still, I reacted badly. I wasn't as composed as I'd like to have been. It was nice. I'm not used to people sticking their necks out for me, especially not in public, so it sort of took me off guard. But I always think he looks nice.

I don't think any of us are.

He really does. Put a kiss right in his beard for me.

I will, but you're welcome to come give him one yourself, you know. I think he'd appreciate it. He's put up with a lot from me this month.

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