It was good. A wealth of gifts and well wishes, more than I've had in so long. You had done for me a great favour, Tim. Thank you.
[ it's not something he would forget any time soon. words are paltry against the weight of his feeling, but there is time later to explain himself, he hopes.
as for the other matter; ]
It was what we would've done regardless, if we didn't have the gathering. I had no intention of telling him what day it was.
[ He's touched to hear it, truly. Tim doesn't want to prattle on about it again, and he trusts that Aemond hasn't forgotten, but steps towards something normal, something nice simply for the sake of being nice, make him feel proud, both of his own work the last couple days and of Aemond for accepting it. Alas, there is no step forward without a complication. Something to deal with later. ]
Really? I get why you were hesitant with your family, cuz of everything back home, but the people who care about you here?
Why mention it, then, if you do not mean to complain about it?
Tim, I will not sing false praises about him. Pierce is a sharp, exacting, and unforgiving man. What lies between us does not require repeating in the light of day, and that is how we intend it.
You can trust that he treats me an equal. We both do, for one another. That is all that matters to me.
Do you not have faith in my ability to fight him, Tim? I could be just as vicious. I am myself a murderer as well.
[ it's not something he wants to remind tim, he realises. but with aegon here — with helaena here, who he must always protect more than their mother — he finds himself cleaving to old habits, to old defences. ]
Good work does not need praising. It should be the foundation of all efforts, not the standard to which one must rise.
[ from a lover. have they agreed to call themselves lovers, he and pierce? did they not reject the softness of such terms wholesale, or was that just aemond? ]
I trust him. And I trust you. Does that make us... that?
[ sometimes he is very much his age; shying away from things that might make him seem softer, or weaker, more human. ]
[ The dots bounce around on screen for a moment longer than normal. ]
Do you want to be?
[ He's told him about how his early experiences were Aegon's choice instead of his, so Tim's careful, unwilling to impress anything on him. The ball has to be in his court. He's fond of him, despite all of his sharp edges, or perhaps because of them, some silly notion that he might be able to wear them down if he himself is soft enough. He's not naive enough to think that accepting that title will be an easy thing to do, but...maybe. If he wants it. They're bonded now, through fire and death. ]
I can't offer you fidelity either. Would that bother you?
Would that not offend your Hawk? That he should not be enough for your satisfaction?
[ fidelity. what does it even matter? some days, awful as the thought is, aemond thinks he would've liked it if viserys had been adulterous; it would have given him more reason to hate him, a more outward reason than just his glaring neglect. he was an unattentive husband to alicent at worse, but he had been — almost kind. almost beneficient.
almost fatherly to the second wife he made carry four pregnancies within five years, only to ignore both her struggles as a mother and the children themselves. ]
I cannot promise you more than I already give you.
It might, honestly. But we both have other people that we’re seeing, and we’re honest about it. I can’t commit to him fully right now, and he knows why.
But it is a commitment to me. If not for fidelity, then trust, honesty, support, and affection. I would need all of that. And a straight answer.
[ a straight answer. of all the things tim is asking, this is perhaps the tallest order of them all. ]
You don't have to extract a promise from me for these matters. I give you my honesty. I give you my trust. I give you my hands, for so long as you can accept that my family will always come first. And I give you my affection, when perhaps I should try to resist it.
You are a committed man, after all.
I will not be Hawk. I do not want to be. I will only be myself, if you'll have me.
It's different than with Pierce because I'm her friend. She was furious and hurt, and rightfully so, when I didn't tell her what I knew about Embry. I've kept your business private, but I don't like sneaking around.
It doesn't need to be right away, but once we're comfortable. I'm past the point in my life where I'm willing to be a dirty little secret.
It's still you, brother mine, though I have an appreciation for it now.
If you feel it required, you should tell her. You do not need my permission for it, when you are as involved as I. We don't do very well with secrets, either, my family and I. We tend to take them very personally.
He does, he's my brother and my king. He takes liberties I would not otherwise allow.
It will be fine. I would rather you didn't tell him directly, but if he learns of it, then he learns of it. He's like to have done worse than I have, regarding the matters of carnal desire.
Remember that you saw me being involved with mine own uncle in ways most uncles do not engage with their nephews. Or that my sister is also my goodsister, and shares children with my brother own.
[ is the incest getting diluted? should he play for baela's attentions now, too? ]
I'm in my room. I've put up some of the gifts I have received of late. You might like one of them, come to think of it. Put names to faces.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:03 am (UTC)[ it's not something he would forget any time soon. words are paltry against the weight of his feeling, but there is time later to explain himself, he hopes.
as for the other matter; ]
It was what we would've done regardless, if we didn't have the gathering. I had no intention of telling him what day it was.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:18 am (UTC)[ He's touched to hear it, truly. Tim doesn't want to prattle on about it again, and he trusts that Aemond hasn't forgotten, but steps towards something normal, something nice simply for the sake of being nice, make him feel proud, both of his own work the last couple days and of Aemond for accepting it. Alas, there is no step forward without a complication. Something to deal with later. ]
Really? I get why you were hesitant with your family, cuz of everything back home, but the people who care about you here?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:24 am (UTC)[ aegon will either notice or he won't; he'll cross that bridge when he reaches it. ]
We have an understanding. Does it need announcing, he and I? I expect no fidelity from him, nor does he expect the same from me.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:31 am (UTC)Yeah, I assumed not, considering yesterday morning.
[ So much for not mentioning it. ]
It doesn't mean it isn't worth talking about, necessarily. But I understand why you wouldn't.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:35 am (UTC)[ so we're talking about it now, then. ]
I doubt it's welcome conversation to discuss how I asked him to choke me in the middle of dinner last night. He refused, by the by.
[ apparently it wasn't appropriate. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 07:01 am (UTC)I had a good time. Really.
That kind of explicit detail isn't what I meant.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 07:20 am (UTC)Tim, I will not sing false praises about him. Pierce is a sharp, exacting, and unforgiving man. What lies between us does not require repeating in the light of day, and that is how we intend it.
You can trust that he treats me an equal. We both do, for one another. That is all that matters to me.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 02:44 pm (UTC)What are you talking about? I talk about all kinds of things without complaining. I think it's healthy to talk about it.
If you feel good with him, that's what matters. As long as you don't get ripped to pieces in public.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 02:48 pm (UTC)[ it's not something he wants to remind tim, he realises. but with aegon here — with helaena here, who he must always protect more than their mother — he finds himself cleaving to old habits, to old defences. ]
Good work does not need praising. It should be the foundation of all efforts, not the standard to which one must rise.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 03:16 pm (UTC)I'm talking about how you feel about it, not the quality.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:19 pm (UTC)I trust him. And I trust you. Does that make us... that?
[ sometimes he is very much his age; shying away from things that might make him seem softer, or weaker, more human. ]
Am I also your lover now?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:50 pm (UTC)Do you want to be?
[ He's told him about how his early experiences were Aegon's choice instead of his, so Tim's careful, unwilling to impress anything on him. The ball has to be in his court. He's fond of him, despite all of his sharp edges, or perhaps because of them, some silly notion that he might be able to wear them down if he himself is soft enough. He's not naive enough to think that accepting that title will be an easy thing to do, but...maybe. If he wants it. They're bonded now, through fire and death. ]
I can't offer you fidelity either. Would that bother you?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 06:59 pm (UTC)[ fidelity. what does it even matter? some days, awful as the thought is, aemond thinks he would've liked it if viserys had been adulterous; it would have given him more reason to hate him, a more outward reason than just his glaring neglect. he was an unattentive husband to alicent at worse, but he had been — almost kind. almost beneficient.
almost fatherly to the second wife he made carry four pregnancies within five years, only to ignore both her struggles as a mother and the children themselves. ]
I cannot promise you more than I already give you.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 07:51 pm (UTC)But it is a commitment to me. If not for fidelity, then trust, honesty, support, and affection. I would need all of that. And a straight answer.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 08:07 pm (UTC)You don't have to extract a promise from me for these matters. I give you my honesty. I give you my trust. I give you my hands, for so long as you can accept that my family will always come first. And I give you my affection, when perhaps I should try to resist it.
You are a committed man, after all.
I will not be Hawk. I do not want to be. I will only be myself, if you'll have me.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 08:35 pm (UTC)Speaking of your family. I don't want to lie to your mother, but I don't think she'll like it.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 08:39 pm (UTC)Remind me to bite you harder, next time.
Must she know, truly?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 09:07 pm (UTC)It's different than with Pierce because I'm her friend. She was furious and hurt, and rightfully so, when I didn't tell her what I knew about Embry. I've kept your business private, but I don't like sneaking around.
It doesn't need to be right away, but once we're comfortable. I'm past the point in my life where I'm willing to be a dirty little secret.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-20 11:41 pm (UTC)If you feel it required, you should tell her. You do not need my permission for it, when you are as involved as I. We don't do very well with secrets, either, my family and I. We tend to take them very personally.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:05 am (UTC)And Aegon? You made it seem he gets his kicks from humiliating you.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:08 am (UTC)It will be fine. I would rather you didn't tell him directly, but if he learns of it, then he learns of it. He's like to have done worse than I have, regarding the matters of carnal desire.
He's the father between the two of us, after all.
[ as for the biting — ]
I don't get even a little allowance?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:15 am (UTC)But that's fine. I barely know him, I don't feel obligated.
You can have a little. No blood. And nowhere that'll make my training any harder if it's sore.
Where are you now?
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:19 am (UTC)[ is the incest getting diluted? should he play for baela's attentions now, too? ]
I'm in my room. I've put up some of the gifts I have received of late. You might like one of them, come to think of it. Put names to faces.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:23 am (UTC)Give me 15. Where I'm from, we seal these things with a kiss. And then I'd be happy to see it.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-21 12:30 am (UTC)A kiss for me. Am I being threatened with affections now?
The door is open for you always.
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From:cw: mentions of csa, prostitution, downplaying trauma
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From:cw: mentions of csa, derogatory language to sex workers, downplaying trauma
From:cws continued let's just assume so all the way down
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