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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[holyposition]

I love you too. Especially when things are hard and you're there for me anyway.

he helped me through a stigmata attack. I didn't ask him to, he just showed up.

[mygoodsir]

I wasn't there. I'm so sorry.

[He can't ask why Tim didn't call. It isn't fair to either of them.]

[holyposition]

It's okay. I'm sorry. I should have called.

[mygoodsir]

No, Tim. I know that you're hardly in any state to do so when it happens.

Was there a trigger for it?

[holyposition]

I was on the phone with Hawk. That's how he knew to rush over.

[mygoodsir]

I see.

[holyposition]

[ It's a cold response. He'd rather face fury than that. If Harry were angry, it would make sense, he could fit it into his neat boxes of sin and punishment and find a way through it. If he were glad, he could make that make sense too, an outcome where everyone is happy and Tim doesn't forbid him from sleeping with Hawk is something he could see Harrry wanting. This quiet acceptance isn't something he knows what to do with. ]

I was calling to tell him I can't go to dinner. If I was going to reject him, I thought he at least deserved that much.

Is that okay?

[mygoodsir]

Of course it's okay.

I'm not upset with you, Tim. I am just concerned.

[holyposition]

Concerned I'll cave?

[mygoodsir]

No. You say you are finished, and I believe you. I am just concerned that he upsets you so.

[holyposition]

It's almost always him triggering it, somehow. I'm talking to him, or about him, or thinking about whatever our latest fight was. It's a sign.

[mygoodsir]

A sign?

[holyposition]

That this is what happens when I get involved with him. The pain is made literal.

[mygoodsir]

I think we should be wary of assigning higher meaning to it, Tim.

[holyposition]

I don't think the consequences we receive are meaningless. It's gotten to be too many times for a coincidence.

[mygoodsir]

On that we do agree. What I believe is that the emotional distress he causes triggers the curse. If it were not him, it would likely be something else upsetting to do it.

[holyposition]

You think if I don't get upset, I can skip it this month?

[mygoodsir]

I don't know.

[holyposition]

I doubt that's possible anyway.

[mygoodsir]

Probably not, no.

I am glad he helped you through it. Truly.

[holyposition]

It's scarier when I'm alone.

but I didn't trust him with the drugs, so it was rough.

...not because I think he'd hurt me. just because he's not an expert.

[mygoodsir]

I pray you are never left alone.

I understand. But he did the best he could, I am certain. And although you are no longer joined, I am likewise certain he brought you comfort.

[holyposition]

I dropped my phone and I couldn't get to it because the pain in my feet was so bad. If he hadn't come running I would have been alone for all of it.

he did. It's helpful when someone's talking, I can focus on that instead of the pain.

[mygoodsir]

My poor darling.

Yes, I imagine it does.

He is a good man, you know.

[holyposition]

I know he tries to be.