[ He sniffles. He tries not to. He doesn't want Hawk unless he really wants him back either, not because he hears him cry and feels he has to soothe it. Tim takes a beat, takes a breath, thinks about what he wants to say so he can quit putting his foot in his mouth. ]
I needed to think. And I didn't want to ambush Harry with it. [ So much for that. ] I just had to know I wasn't letting you back in on impulse. Because you're right, if I'm not actually ready it'll all just fall apart again.
[ If Tim is still angry, if he's still feeling raw and defensive, he'll lash out, and a minor disagreement can turn into the equivalent of a bare knuckled brawl. It's not a pretty truth, but he knows this about himself, he's had enough sour conversations with enough people to know that it's not just Hawk bringing it out of him. ]
I can work on that. Patience and grace. You earned that. The other night, with Harry, you showed me you cared. Not just about me, but the things that matter to me. [ It's always been a question. Other people he's been with, his ideas, his faith. There are times when he likes the challenge, and other times when it exhausts him. ] It meant a lot. Even though it was kind of weird. It was good. It felt like a change, more than you just saying it, like you have.
It wouldn't be taking advantage. Not if we take it slow.
[there's a long pause, not because he's thinking it over, but because there's so much at stake here, and he's still not sure this is the right decision. except - maybe he already knew the moment he picked up the phone what was going to happen all along, that this was inevitable no matter how many times they've both tried to push each other away.]
I love you, Tim.
We'll keep going slow. But knowing - it's not gone for good, Christ, that helps.
[there's a heavy exhale, hawk letting all the tension of the fight that didn't come to fruition flood out of him. fuck - it feels good.]
I've always cared. And I'm sorry I didn't always show it, either. I did that for both of you - and I'll keep at it.
[ A moment's hesitation, as he recovers from the whiplash of it. Wanting him and wanting him despite his protests that he doesn't want him back, the lying to himself and everybody else that all but Tim himself could see through - only for Hawk to be the one pushing back. It rattles him, reminds him of that stupid, unanswered letter.
It's not easy, reminding himself that this Hawk hasn't thrown it in the trash yet, that he's not married yet, that those years haven't happened. He'd rather they had, so Hawk wouldn't have to know what death feels like twice over. But this way is...more hopeful. It feels like there's a chance for them that doesn't exist back home. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-12-18 02:47 am (UTC)[ He sniffles. He tries not to. He doesn't want Hawk unless he really wants him back either, not because he hears him cry and feels he has to soothe it. Tim takes a beat, takes a breath, thinks about what he wants to say so he can quit putting his foot in his mouth. ]
I needed to think. And I didn't want to ambush Harry with it. [ So much for that. ] I just had to know I wasn't letting you back in on impulse. Because you're right, if I'm not actually ready it'll all just fall apart again.
[ If Tim is still angry, if he's still feeling raw and defensive, he'll lash out, and a minor disagreement can turn into the equivalent of a bare knuckled brawl. It's not a pretty truth, but he knows this about himself, he's had enough sour conversations with enough people to know that it's not just Hawk bringing it out of him. ]
I can work on that. Patience and grace. You earned that. The other night, with Harry, you showed me you cared. Not just about me, but the things that matter to me. [ It's always been a question. Other people he's been with, his ideas, his faith. There are times when he likes the challenge, and other times when it exhausts him. ] It meant a lot. Even though it was kind of weird. It was good. It felt like a change, more than you just saying it, like you have.
It wouldn't be taking advantage. Not if we take it slow.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-29 01:13 am (UTC)I love you, Tim.
We'll keep going slow. But knowing - it's not gone for good, Christ, that helps.
[there's a heavy exhale, hawk letting all the tension of the fight that didn't come to fruition flood out of him. fuck - it feels good.]
I've always cared. And I'm sorry I didn't always show it, either. I did that for both of you - and I'll keep at it.
...So now will you say yes to dinner with me?
no subject
Date: 2025-12-29 02:18 am (UTC)[ A moment's hesitation, as he recovers from the whiplash of it. Wanting him and wanting him despite his protests that he doesn't want him back, the lying to himself and everybody else that all but Tim himself could see through - only for Hawk to be the one pushing back. It rattles him, reminds him of that stupid, unanswered letter.
It's not easy, reminding himself that this Hawk hasn't thrown it in the trash yet, that he's not married yet, that those years haven't happened. He'd rather they had, so Hawk wouldn't have to know what death feels like twice over. But this way is...more hopeful. It feels like there's a chance for them that doesn't exist back home. ]
Yeah. We can go to dinner. How's tomorrow?