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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[holyposition]

Maybe I'll turn it on you one of these days :)

[mygoodsir]

Would you like to?

[holyposition]

I think I'd want to try so I can understand what you get out of it. If you want me to.

[mygoodsir]

I think we ought to do it, then.

One of the many things I love about you is that we can experiment. If it goes poorly it is not the end of our relationship.

[holyposition]

Why would anyone leave over it being bad one time?

[mygoodsir]

I don't know. I've never been in a relationship before you. But people seem rather dramatic.

[holyposition]

Maybe if it was a first time. But not if it's us. If it doesn't work, we can stop and just cuddle.

[mygoodsir]

Brilliant.

I love you so, Timothy Laughlin. Even when things are difficult, I pray you remember that.

[holyposition]

I love you too. Especially when things are hard and you're there for me anyway.

he helped me through a stigmata attack. I didn't ask him to, he just showed up.

[mygoodsir]

I wasn't there. I'm so sorry.

[He can't ask why Tim didn't call. It isn't fair to either of them.]

[holyposition]

It's okay. I'm sorry. I should have called.

[mygoodsir]

No, Tim. I know that you're hardly in any state to do so when it happens.

Was there a trigger for it?

[holyposition]

I was on the phone with Hawk. That's how he knew to rush over.

[mygoodsir]

I see.

[holyposition]

[ It's a cold response. He'd rather face fury than that. If Harry were angry, it would make sense, he could fit it into his neat boxes of sin and punishment and find a way through it. If he were glad, he could make that make sense too, an outcome where everyone is happy and Tim doesn't forbid him from sleeping with Hawk is something he could see Harrry wanting. This quiet acceptance isn't something he knows what to do with. ]

I was calling to tell him I can't go to dinner. If I was going to reject him, I thought he at least deserved that much.

Is that okay?

[mygoodsir]

Of course it's okay.

I'm not upset with you, Tim. I am just concerned.

[holyposition]

Concerned I'll cave?

[mygoodsir]

No. You say you are finished, and I believe you. I am just concerned that he upsets you so.

[holyposition]

It's almost always him triggering it, somehow. I'm talking to him, or about him, or thinking about whatever our latest fight was. It's a sign.

[mygoodsir]

A sign?

[holyposition]

That this is what happens when I get involved with him. The pain is made literal.

[mygoodsir]

I think we should be wary of assigning higher meaning to it, Tim.

[holyposition]

I don't think the consequences we receive are meaningless. It's gotten to be too many times for a coincidence.

[mygoodsir]

On that we do agree. What I believe is that the emotional distress he causes triggers the curse. If it were not him, it would likely be something else upsetting to do it.

[holyposition]

You think if I don't get upset, I can skip it this month?