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[holyposition]

WELCOME TO THE SALTBURNT NETWORK

USERNAME:
t.laughlin

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Comments

[kobes]

she respects flair, what can i say. harassing me about getting your dad to invest, tho 🙄

i can tell you its like seducing a brick wall. and not in a sexy bricked up way.

[holyposition]

He’s awful, but he’s not dumb. He knows you’d tell me and that I’d never let him live it down.

You could try my mom, for the investment part. She gives so few fucks about me she probably doesn't even know who you are. At least dad pretends.

[kobes]

ouch. though considering what i did on your couch last summer maybe its good she doesn't remember me.

i'll try. maybe i'll parent trap them into signing paperwork or something so i can get alvida off my back for 5 minutes.

[holyposition]

I got the stain out. It's fine.

Let me know how it goes. In as little detail as possible.

Anyway. I think the president of the united states has jerked off to me.

[kobes]

awwww. thought i'd be a conversation piece longer than that.

deal. also your ex is my suitemate, i think.

can you put that on a resume? you should totally put that on a resume.

[holyposition]

Quentin? He's great. Good kisser. Be nice to him!

I should be mad about it. Imperial American bullshit and all that. But he's so hot

[kobes]

i'm always nice!!!
yeah the swimmer guy
scared the shit outta me.

he IS
you going to that party thing his brother's throwing?

[holyposition]

What? Why?

Of course I am. Might even slip in some mischeif under their noses.

[kobes]

hungover as FUCK, went into the bathroom, he was in the shower
didn't realize these suites were CONNECTED.

oh fuck yeah what're you wearing?
i dunno how to dress to classy things.

also psa ur dad haaaaaaaaAAAAAAaaaates me. 😇😇😇

[holyposition]

I don't know yet. It's cocktail attire, but he invited me to be slutty, so. Let's go shopping.

Yeah, he told me. Oh well?

[kobes]

omg me too. we'll have to coordinate.
okay deal all my clothes are trashy party, not cocktail slutty party.

can't make an omelet without cracking a few dads 😞😞😞 shouldn't have mentioned the business shit.

[holyposition]

Dress trousers, but a shiny shirt. Open an extra button or two.

Told you to lead with mom.

[kobes]

slut, love it. anything underneath?

yeah well, i'm already fucked, who cares if i burn a few more bridges.
though does your dad hating me mean your mom'll be more likely to listen to me?

[holyposition]

Maybe a necklace. But the peek of chest hair usually gets me whatever I want, so it stays.

...maybe. She's a spiteful person. But you'll need to come with an actual plan.

[kobes]

hot, we'll match. i'm wearing some sparkly expensive thing, makes me look almost respectable 😝

i got proposals out the ass, i'll open with the pdf and spreadsheets for your mom. cared more about seeing how quick i could make your dad mad.

[holyposition]

'Almost' doing a lot of heavy lifting, I assume.

Good luck, I guess. At this point, you're more invested in the place than I am.

[kobes]

always does, baby t
i can dress up fancy but trash is trash

yeah no duh
cause you already got it
obvi u aren't gonna give a fuck about what's already yours

[holyposition]

I was gonna say alternative.

I’ve told you before, i don’t want it.

You know what I do want though? To cash in my daddy dibs. The tennis guy’s mine.

[kobes]

that's cause beneath your cosmic bitch exterior youre a sweetheart, teo~

yeah, i remember. [the great irony of their friendship: everything timoteo has, koby wants, but will never have.]

damn, already?? we been here two days, t.

[holyposition]

[ And teo would do anything to be free from this. He should have given him better advice on seducing his dad, maybe they have traded. ]

<3

Well a) have you seen him?

And b) we’ve met before.

[kobes]

[at least he still has a hot uncle, hope is not lost]

a) yeah he looks like a hallmark movie about a guy who sells christmas trees and the meaning of the season. baby birds tweet and little lambs frolic about when he passes by. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

b) WHAT who is he when where

[holyposition]

You are sooooo annoyinggggggg know your queerstory

That's Hawkins Fuller. One of the first real star athletes to come out. I jerked off to his Men's Health cover like ten years ago.

[kobes]

i dont read, teo, you know that

hope you opened with that the first time you met "hi thanks for the sexual awakening".

[holyposition]

Oh my GOD he was not! That was Jeff goldblum in jurassic park.

[kobes]

riiiiight the nerdiest awakening in the entire world, how could i forget?