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[holyposition]

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t.laughlin

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[holyposition]

Then I’m not sure what you’re worried about.

[ There’s the fib. He knows and navigates all of Harry’s insecurities, and part of that is not giving him the space to doubt himself. Let Stephen be taller or broader or whatever it is. It’ll never be as good as it is with Harry because he doesn’t love him. ]

You mean when I have my attacks.

[mygoodsir]

Nothing. Just a passing thought.


Yes.

[holyposition]

I'd trust that he's capable, sure.

I don't know though. It seems silly to call in a second doctor for something that's all in my head. You've been helping me manage just fine.

[mygoodsir]

Just as an emergency measure, my darling. To keep you from agony while the medication takes hold.

[holyposition]

I still don't know. It's a really vulnerable position, and I just know I look like a crazy person every time. I only want you.

[mygoodsir]

You don't look crazy.

Alright. But if it's particularly bad, I may prescribe it. I will use any avenue available to give you relief.

[holyposition]

I'm waiting and screaming about the blood in my eyes when I'm not bleeding at all. It's pretty crazy.

It gets easier. I'm practically used to it.

[mygoodsir]

It is a delusion, but one forced upon you by the house. That is not the same as madness.

Tim. Don't lie to me.

[holyposition]

You, Koby, and Hawk are the only people who have seen me like that. I want to keep that list small.

I'm not! Sort of. I know the signs of when it's coming, I know how long to expect it to last, if I'm not medicated into sleep first. It makes it...not easy, obviously, but managable.

[mygoodsir]

Then I will respect that, unless it is unbearable.

I hate that I understand your point.

[holyposition]

I bear it every time, Harry. I wouldn't have been saddled with it if I couldn't.

I know you're just trying to take care of me. But you're doing a great job, you don't have to call in Stephen.

[mygoodsir]

I don't enjoy pointless suffering.

[holyposition]

I don't enjoy it either.

[mygoodsir]

Then you'll trust me if I think I should call for outside help.

[holyposition]

It's not about trusting you or not. It's personal.

[mygoodsir]

It is a bit, dear.

Alright. Not unless I have your permission, then.

[holyposition]

I trust you so much that I only want to be handled by you.

[mygoodsir]

Alright.

I adore you, Tim. I don't always succeed in assuring you, I know, but I do.

[holyposition]

What do you mean? Of course you do.

[mygoodsir]

I worry. With Hawk gone.

[holyposition]

That you're not doing enough? Harry, I haven't doubted how much you love me since the first time you said it.

It's just hard for me to deal with the standards here. It always has been, and I don't expect that'll ever change.

[mygoodsir]

What do you mean standards?

[holyposition]

You know. How everyone is entangled with everyone else. I get jealous but it doesn't mean I doubt you.

[mygoodsir]

I just want you to feel secure in every way.

[holyposition]

I am, in every way this place will let me.